▶ Your Answer :
Some
people might say that mobile phones have given people more freedom. However, in
my opinion, they have taken off people’s liberty. This is because of two
reasons. First, it makes people can be monitored by others. Secondly, they do
not have enough time for themselves.
To
begin with, someone can know where you are in anytime through your mobile phones.
This is because of the advent of GPS service in your phones. That service help
to find the site where you are. It means that the government or police can monitor
you when they want, if you always bring your phones. There is a possibility
that this service can be abused by someone, and remove your freedom. For
example, there was a survey that conducted by a group of Sociology majors with
200 university students as the respondents. The purpose of the survey was to
understand the consensus view about the abuse of GPS service. Most of students thought
that because of GPS, they can be controlled by some huge groups in the future. Also,
the overwhelming 65% responded that they usually felt that their own private
life were harmful by that. This is because many companies and shopping malls
are collecting consumers’ GPS information and using them for their marketing
source. The survey proved that many people have negative opinion about using the
GPS service in their cell phone.
On top
of that, there is not enough time for yourselves if you are with your mobile
phones. Because of the development of the technology of communication, people
have to keep in touch with others continuously. I am sure that you have
experiences that a large amount of messages were piled up when your phone was
off for a while. This situation actually made you tired and lost your own time
to concentrate on yourselves. I will introduce my uncle’s experience as an
example. He has been working as a financial assistant in one company for 10
years. He said that he was satisfied with his job in the past. However, he was
not happy anymore. The new boss always calls to my uncle’s cell phone about the
work even when he was off-work. He felt there were no clear division between
his job and life. In addition, he felt that he was restricted by his boss in
all day. He wants to remove his own cell phone to achieve his freedom.
To
sum up, the use of cell phone eliminates not only your physical liberty but
also mental liberty. In this regard, I strongly believe the mobile phone do not
give you any freedom to live your own private life.
에세이 좋습니다. 특히 gps파트 주장 나열부터, supporting detail쓰는 방식까지 가독성 좋았던 것 같습니다.하지만 문장이 대부분 simple하고 짧게 짧게 끝나는 부분에 있어서는 조금 별로입니다 다만 약간은 어휘가 조금 반복되고, 기본적인 부분 위주로 표현이 쓰이고 있는게 가장 아쉬운 거 같습니다. 그리고 문법에서는 명사형/동사형 구분하는 거 똑바로 해주세요 |