> > 2013-08-09 13:48:21, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
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■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today pay too much attention to the personal lives of celebrities. | |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people say that people do not pay much attention to the personal lives of celebrities. However, I believe that it is fairly common that celebrities are paid too much attention for their personal lives. The first reason is that mass media deals with many privacy contents of celebrities in their reports. Not only that, but it is also evident that celebrities strongly feel they are encroached for many portions of their detailed privacy.
First of all, when it comes to mass media reports, the reported contents offer the public a number of personal lives of celebrities. In fact, the overwhelming majority of mass media focuses (주어인 majority of mass media는 단수형입니다.) on celebrities and their private lives. For example, these days one of the most popular TV shows is the Entertainment Of Star Show. It always handles about many celebrities's personal lives and are is (이 be 동사의 주어는 it이므로 is가 되어야 합니다.) viewed at a peak time when most people enjoy TV shows. Whenever I watch the program, I think that it provides us surprisingly us lots of information of about celebrities's lives.
Secondly, most mass media often invade the private parts of celebrities. The journalists endeavor to reveal the privacy problems of celebrities in order to be paid much more attention of from the public. For instance, recently I saw a news on Internet, in (which 앞에 전치사가 붙을 때는 which 후에 나오는 문장이 어떤 곳 안에서 일어나는 상황일때 씁니다.) which stated that a celebrity accused of (accused of은 항상 붙여서 쓰는게 아닙니다. 주어 + accuse + 고소된 사람 + of + 이유 가 맞는 표현입니다) a journalist because the journalist had of the reported for the false and bad privacy of the celebrity, and this has led to a problematic suit issues (오타 주의하세요) issus. This shows that many celebrities think mass media are is encroaching celebrities's personal lives and having negative impacts.
To sum up, today's mass media not only provides the public a lot of too much (부정적 흐름이기 때문에 too much가 그 흐름을 더욱 부각시킵니다.) stories about celebrities, but the celebrities also feel they are strongly (동사를 수식하는 부사는 동사 앞에 나오는 것이 좋습니다.) exposed strongly to the public through mass media. For these reasons, I believe that people today pay too much attention to the celebrities's personal lives. | |
안녕하세요! 에세이 잘 읽었습니다 ^^
일단 에세이 구조상 문단을 시작 하실땐 여백을 남기시는 것이 좋습니다. 스페이스바 두번이나 탭 한번을 눌러서 문단의 시작을 알리세요.
그리고 제가 느끼기에 첫번째 이유와 두번째 이유의 차이점이 그리 커보이지 않습니다.
비슷한 느낌이 들어요 조금 더 거리가 있고 확실한 이유를 드셨다면 좋았을것 같습니다 ^^
그 외에 나머지 문법상 오류는 빨간 글씨로 설명 드렸으니 확인해 보세요!
수고하셨습니다~