collapse of ancient Egypt's collapse
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
In the listening, the lecturer casts doubt on the reading passage’s argument that there are three reasons for the collapse of ancient Egypt.
First of all, the reading insists that the revolt of provincial governors against pharaoh triggered the decline of Egypt. The professor, however, refutes that argument by saying that the governors who were loyal to the ruler got additional rewards and also they had a special positions in that society, which means there were no benefits for them to occur treason. Besides, protected by the central army, it is not plausible suggestion that the governors revolted against agaisnt pharaoh and it led to the collapse. 대립되는 point와 주장들이 잘 정리된 문단입니다.
The second point the author makes is that as the record, there was a serious drought which made the country fall down. To rebut this claim, the speaker asserts that the record was misinterpreted. The drought was localized only in eastern area which could not damage the whole country to demise. 명확한 대립point가 드러나는 점이 좋습니다. 반박 내용 중 더 보완할 detail은 없는지 지문을 체크해주세요.
Finally, the article contends that due to the political turmoil, the ancient Egypt was collapsed. In contrast, the speaker disputes it by stating that through the history, there were several power struggles among siblings often. However, it had not been always ended with collapse of country. So this is also not a reasonable explanation of ancient Egypt’s decline. 정치적 혼란으로 인한 것이라는 주장과 그에 대한 대립이 잘 드러나 있습니다. 다만 lecture의 주장을 뒷받침하는 설명이 다소 빈약한 것 같아요. detail내용이 적절한지 확인해주세요.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair (17–23)
전반적으로 대립되는 point와 주장이 잘 정리된 글입니다. 꼭 필요한데 빠진 detail이나 불필요하게 추가된 detail은 없는지, point가 잘못 이해된 부분은 없는지에 유의하면서 한 번 더 꼭 검토해주세요. 다양한 주제로 연습하시면 실전에서도 충분히 좋은 점수 받으실 수 있을 거예요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!