Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
People have different opinions on whether universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. I disagree that spending the same amount of money on students’ sports activities as university libraries is necessary. Universities need to spend more money on students’ sports activities. First, students can learn social skills from sports activities. Second, students do not use university libraries often than before.
Most of all, good sports activities enable students to learn social skills. Students will know how to cooperate with others when they do sports activities with their friends. To win a game, each team member has to rely on each other and communicate well. After the game, team members will share the same feeling. Also, participating in sports activities is a great way to make friends. When I was in a university, I made many friends from a soccer club. I needed to understand my team members’ thinking. I also spent a lot of time practicing with them. a lot to practice. All these times helped me make nice friends. This proves that sports activities will give a chance for students to learn social skills. 스포츠가 도움이 된다는 주장이나 설명은 모두 적절합니다. 그러나 나의 입장은 단순히 스포츠가 좋다는 것이 아니라 대학이 스포츠에 많이 투자해야 한다는 것이므로 이러한 장점과 '대학이 스포츠에 투자하는 것'을 연결해주는 편이 더 좋습니다. "그러므로 학교에서 스포츠에 많은 투자를 해서 이를 활성화시키는 게 좋다"하는 식의 연결을 보완해서 논제와의 연관성을 높이면 좋을 것 같아요.
Besides, not many students go to university libraries than before because there are other ways to find information. There are more convenient ways than going to libraries. In the past, students usually went to libraries to do their home work works or to find useful material. However, after the internet became popular, students can search any material easily. They do not need to go to school for studying anymore. With the internet, students can find any types of material such as video clips, reports, articles, and books anywhere. It demonstrates that there is no reason to spend lots of money on universities libraries. 도서관을 더이상 사용하지 않는다는 점을 지적한 것 역시 좋습니다. 그러나 단순히 학생들이 도서관을 많이 사용하지 않는다는 진술은 <도서관보다 스포츠에 더 투자해야 하는 이유>가 될 수 없습니다. 활발하게 사용되지 않는 도서관에 투자하는 것은 '비효율적이므로' 스포츠에 더 많이 투자하는 편이 좋다, 하는 식으로 좀 더 명확한 '장단점'이 강조되는 형태로 표현하면 설득력을 높일 수 있으니 참고하세요.
In conclusion, I disagree that spending the same money on students’ sports activities as university libraries is necessary for the reasons that I have mentioned above. First, good sports activities enable students to learn social skills. Second, not many students go to university libraries than before because there are other ways to find information.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited - Fair (16–20)
기본적인 내용 방향 자체는 적절합니다. '주장'의 형태로 내용을 다듬고 설명과 사례 내용이 적절하게 뒷받침될 수 있도록 improve해주세요. 두 body모두 적절한 예증 사례를 제시해주는 편이 좋습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!