Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Classmates are more influential than parents on a child's success in school.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
It is often said that friends are more important than both of parents on being to be successful in school because they are able to understand better each other. However, I firmly support the idea that parents have a more significant influence on their child for two reasons: they can help their child overcome problems and perform better in school. 주제와 나의 입장을 간결하게 잘 소개한 서론입니다.
To begin with, parents enable their child to solve problem at school more wisely. This is attributed to the fact that having lived a long time, they have already experienced many things in life, such as rebellion, having to fit in, and getting good grades in school. Thus, they have bigger views on these matters and are able to provide a more satisfactory and objective solution. 부모가 학교에서 아이들이 문제를 해결하는 데 좋은 조언을 해줄 수 있다는 idea는 적절합니다. 설명 역시 모델에세이를 잘 응용하고 있습니다. For example, when I was in fifth grade, I had a huge misunderstanding that led to a fight with my best friend. Then, my friends were telling me not to speak to him until he apologized to me first. However, my mother suggested that I make mend things up by taking the initiative to apologize first. Finally, it turned out that it was a misunderstanding on my part and had I not spoken to him first, we would never have cleared the issue which could have cost our friendship. This implies that parents' previous experience can be helpful for dealing with problems that are likely to occur in school. 예증 사례로 모델에세이 내용을 적절하게 응용한 부분입니다.
In addition, by encouraging their child, parents can wield their influence on them and make them be successful in school. Not to mention, that this encouragement has more impact on them, being told by their parents, not classmates. This is due to the fact that words of encouragements coming from parents can serve as key motivators for children to perform better and improve themselves. With such motivations, they will put in more efforts, feel more responsible for their work, and concentrate better on their tasks. 학교에서 성공적으로 perform할 수 있도록 하는 데 부모의 격려가 큰 영향을 준다는 idea는 적절합니다. 설명 역시 구체적으로 잘 제시되어 있습니다. According to a study conducted by Seoul National University of Korea in 2007, there was a huge difference between two groups of students in achievements. Students in group A were praised every day for the progress they made by their parents and those in group B were scolded scold for even little mistakes at home. The researchers showed that the former group of students spent more hours studying by 25 percent and performed higher than the latter group of students. Those in group A increased their academic performance by themselves on account of parents' encouragement. This result implies that encouragement from parents allowe let children to perform better and succeed in school. 두 그룹의 비교내용을 적절하게 잘 응용한 부분입니다. 주요한 키워드를 잘 포함해서 응용해주셨네요^^
In brief, it tends to look like peers can crucially affect the children's performance in school. However, as everything considered, I firmly believe that parents' role is the most influential component in whether or not the children is successful in school, parents helping them solve conflicts and improve academic performance in school.
* 여섯가지 항목의 채점 기준을 참고하세요.
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
전반적으로 외운 모델에세이를 주제에 맞게 잘 응용한 글입니다. 충분히 good level받으실 수 있을 거예요^^ 다른 다양한 주제에도 적절하게 응용하는 연습을 많이 하셔서 실전에서도 좋은 점수 받으시길 바랄게요! 수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!