A large number of people might assert
that it is easier to maintain health in the past than in today. Contrary
to popular belief, I believe that it is easier to sustain health today than in
the past for two reasons: ability to deal with stress, and economic abundance
that helps people to be healthy in modern era.
To begin with, living in today's
world enables people to deal with stress and thus maintain health. This is attributed to the fact that living in the 21st
century can distract people from worries and stress. It is obvious that there
are more entertaining activities or facilities that distract people from
worries and stress in modern period than in the past. (This is a repetition of the same point through three
sentences. It’s waste of space.) For instance, in these days, we can
watch television programs such as 'American Idols' and 'Dexter Series'.
Therefore, this simple and quick escape from reality that derived from benefit of modern period may actually
serve as a safety valve to let off some steam as well as a fun way to recharge
energy. According to the Ministry of Education of Korea in 2010, there was a
significant difference between two groups of students in managing their
academic pressure. Students in Group A who are students in the 21st century
were more satisfied with their school lives than those in Group B who were
students in the early 20th century. This is especially true given the fact that
in the early 20th century, catastrophic events such as world war frequently occurred.
Moreover, students in Group B were involved in dangerous activities such as
smoking, drinking and stealing to cope with their stress. This directly indicates (no
indication is “direct”) that living in today's world make people to be
more healthy.
(There are too many descriptive
details that do not contribute to the essay. This lengthens the essay, but
makes it tiring to read.)
Furthermore, life in the 21st century
enables people to have happy and therefore healthier life. This is due to the fact that in these days there are more abundance in
terms of finance (the wealth of people these
days). To be specific, the world's GDP in 1950s was approximately 40% of
that of today's. The money tends to represent their power in society by
showing their ability to attain whatever they want ranging from fancy cars to
even trust in realtionships. This is evident given the fact that modern society
runs on materialism. (You are deviating from
the main point) According to the Ministry of Health and Welfare of Korea
in 2009, there was a huge difference between two groups of employees in happy (Happiness) index.
Employees in Group A who is currently a working man owned a house and those in
Group B who were working man in the mid-20th century rented a house. In the
mid-20th century, a number of people in the U.S. lost their home because of the
bankrun incidents and economy crisis
that was very often at that time. The researchers showed that the level of
happiness of Group A was much higher than that of Group B. The happiness and
health has direct correlation as stress that derived from lack of happiness
weakens immune system of body. Moreover, more than 60 percent of the employees
in Group B underwent severe depression. They constantly worried about paying
rent in order to maintain a roof over their head and to care their family. This
shows that living in modern epoch (era / age) is more easier and happier.
In brief, although many people argue
that it is easier to maintain health in the past than in today, the benefit of
living in the present time far outweigh(s) the
benefit of living in the past in terms of health. All in all, the importance of
relieved stress and increase(d) finance(ial) abundance in modern era cannot be underestimated
in order to have healthier life.
(Watch out for
unnecessarily long sentences. Make your sentences concise. The length of the
essay is not an important factor in scoring, as far as the essay fulfills the minimum
requirement.)