Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Eating homemade food is better than eating out at restaurants or food stands. Use specific reasons and examples to supprot your answer.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
An intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether eating at home is better than eating out. Some people argue that eating out is better than eating homemade food since we have no need to waste time to cook our meals. However, I firmly believe that having meals at home is much more beneficial for us than eating out at restaurants. That is because it is safer as well as cheaper.
First of all, it is better for us to eat meals at home to reduce expenditure for foods. Since cooking at home does not include money for advertisement and hiring workers, we can enjoy our meals in at a cheaper price. 집에서 요리하면 다른 비용이 들지 않아서 더 가격이 싸다는 논리 설명이 적절합니다. 간결하게 필요한 내용을 잘 제시한 부분도 좋지만, 설명 내용을 좀 더 구체화해서 [단계적 구성]을 보여주셔도 좋을 것 같아요. To take my personal experience, because I live alone, I should choose the way to have meals, cooking meals by myself at home or eating out. I chose the latter first, but I realized the expenditure of meals was is too high, and then I altered to the former one. As eating homemade food, I could reduce almost 70 percent of the expenditure. It is a big help for me since I am still a student. 적절한 내용의 사례입니다. '이처럼 집에서 먹으면 비용면에서 더 좋다'하는 식으로 논지를 강조하면서 마무리하는 것도 좋겠습니다.
On top of that, we can have much safer food as eating eat at home. Today, there are a lot of problems in foods of restaurants such as using low grade low-grade or harmful ingredients and bad hygiene. * [low grade 하급(명사) / low-grade 하급의(형용사)] / eating out이 안전하지 않다는 점만 설명하기보다는 '반면 집에서 요리해먹으면 이러이러하니까 더 안전하다'하는 점을 간단하게 보완해주세요. To be specific, I read news on the Internet which pointed points out the problem of fast food. It showed the fact that most of the fast food chains put several dangerous ingredients in too much dose, including antibiotics to prevent their foods from spoiling. Therefore, frequent eating out can cause serious problems to in our health.
To sum up, eating homemade food has more positive effects on for us than eating out at restaurants does on account of the reasons I mentioned above: we can save our money and stay healthy with homemade foods. Therefore, as eating eat meals at home, we will be able to kill two birds with one stone, saving money and staying healthy.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–27)
논제에 대한 이해도가 높고 기본적인 idea나 논리 흐름들이 모두 좋습니다. 좀 더 설명 내용을 구체화해서 [단계적 구성]을 잘 보여주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 문제에서는 300 단어를 요구하지만 보통 논리적인 흐름이나 구체적인 사례를 꼼꼼하게 제시한 글의 경우 400-500단어 정도를 사용하게 됩니다. 시간여유가 된다면 내가 생각한 개요에 살을 더 붙여가면서 분량을 더 만드는 것도 좋겠습니다. 코멘트 참고하셔서 내용 수정보완해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!