It is often believed that parents are the best teacher to their children. However, contrary to this opinion, I firmly believe that children should learn knowledge by themselves. The fundamental reason is that children can keep a longer memory and it is much more motivational when they learn in person.
To begin with, hands on learning experience are much more memorable. An important reason is that parents' advice can be easily being forgotten. On the other hand, firsthand experience helps children to use all five senses ranging from sight to touch, which activates not only their body but also their brain. Therefore, a lively experience often remains etched in mind. For example, when I was 15-year-old, I had a chance to learn how to cook in my kitchen by from my mother. My mother only told me to read a cook book and to look at how she was cooking. However, this method was never helpful to working for me. [I thought that it was better for me to experience in person and I started to cook right.] 이문장 뜻이 애매하네요. 더 자세한 내용이 필요한것같습니다. As a consequence, I could learn a wide variety of delicious meals thanks to by learning in person such as cutting vegetables and meat, mixing seasoning, and tasting.
Moreover, hands on learning experience motivates us to take part in our learning enthusiastically. This is mainly because parents only make a boring explanation, so it is sometime sometimes it is not interesting. However, learning in person allows us to see and feel everything we want. Therefore, we can actively apply knowledge into practice and participate in learning process. According to a study conducted by the Seoul National University in 2011, two groups of students showed a difference in academic achievement. Students in group A learned science knowledge by themselves, and those in group B learned by accepting having their parents' help. The result showed that the former group spend more time studying by 30 percent, and performs higher than the latter group. Particularly they submitted their assignments on time. By contrast, the latter group engaged in distractive behaviors ranging from dozing off to doodling. [former group 이나 latter group 보다는 group A 나 group B로 더 자세하게 표현하는 게 더 좋은 선택인 것 같습니다]
In conclusion, without any doubt, I am convinced that it is better for children to learn in person than do by getting help their parents. The reason is that learning by experience stimulates children to remember longer and helps them participate enthusiastically in their learning.
대체적으로는 잘쓰셨습니다. 하지만 시간때문에 조금 급하게 쓰신거같네요. 문법, word choice, 그리고 자세한 detail이 추가되면 더 좋은 에세이가 될꺼 같습니다. 이 세가지 조금더 신경 써주시면 되겠습니다.