Some people prefer to work for a large company. Others prefer to work for a small company. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Some people prefer working for a large company, whereas other some people want to work for a small company. (틀린 것은 아니지만 some~ other~로 받는 경우가 많은 것 같아요^^) Personally, I prefer to work for a large company than a small company for two reasons as follows.
In the first place, you can not only earn more salary but also get more and better benefits when you work for a large company than when you work for a small company. 글의 주된 내용이 직원복지에 대한 내용이므로 주제문에서 salary에 대한 언급은 불필요할 것 같아요. Since large companies have long history and many experiences of hiring and controlling employees, in many cases, they have a better system and well-developed welfare structure for their employees. Such a good system and structure offer workers better work environment and give them many opportunities to improve their ability and to enjoy working there. 적절한 idea와 설명입니다. For example, Sam-Sung, which is the biggest company in my country, South Korea, is the one that most people want to work for. That is because the company offers their employees perfect work environment such as clean and beautiful offices or gyms so that workers can work out when they feel tired from hard working. Also, workers can get chances to work abroad or travel abroad. Moreover, they can buy Sam-Sung products such as a smart phone or a TV with a very low price. 주장을 뒷받침하기에 알맞은 내용의 사례입니다. 이러한 사례가 주장과 관련해서 어떤 점을 보여주는지 해석하는 문장을 덧붙여서 마무리해주는 것이 좋슷ㅂ니다.
In the second place, it is safer when you work for a large company. In many cases, small companies’ economic condition is dictated by the financial condition of other big companies or the country. So, even though workers work really hard in small companies, if the economic situations outside of the company become risky, there is high possibility for workers to lose their job. 주장과 설명 내용 흐름 좋습니다. 다만 이 부분에서 '대기업에서 일하면 더 안전하다'라는 내용 설명이 더 필요합니다. For instance, the first company that I worked for after graduating from graduate college was a small company which had only 50 whose employees. were only 50. I was really enjoyed working there because all people were really nice and kind to me. However, one day the company lost several customers and as a result 10 workers were fired because the owner was not able to pay all employees when he lost some of his customers. 사례 내용이 주장과 어떤 관련이 있는지를 설명해주어야 합니다. 이처럼 작은 회사는 경제상황에 영향을 쉽게 받기 때문에 불안하다, blah blah~하는 식으로 연결해주세요.
In conclusion, I think it might be true that people are friendlier and rules are flexible in small companies. But, in the long term, working for a large company is better. That is because there are extra profits you can get and the company is stronger itself financially.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair - Good (22–24)
전반적으로 논제에 대한 이해도가 높고 나의 입장을 뒷받침하기 위한 main idea들이 좋습니다. 이를 논증으로 풀어내는 과정에서 연결고리가 빠지지 않도록 <왜, 어떻게 그런지>에 대한 설명이 충분히 되어 있는지에 유의하면서 내용을 구성해주세요. 본론 문단 마무리 부분에서 논지를 강화하는 방식으로 주장과 연결지어 마무리하는 부분도 신경써주세요. 채점항목과 코멘트 참고하셔서 글 검토해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!