Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
People have different opinions about whether parents are the best teachers. I agree that the best teachers are parents for their children. First, parents teach about various things. Second, parents can advise by understanding their children.
Most of all, parents teach many a different kinds of things as the best teachers. One of the most important qualification for being the best teachers is the ability that teaching many kinds of lessons. Children can learn from their parents in many situations because they spend most time together. It is possible for parents to teach their children from morning to night about anything. For example, my parents teach me more than millions of things, so I even cannot list on it. They taught me how to speak, how to walk and how to eat when I was a baby. Later, I learned how to think positively and how to respect others also from my parents. Parents taught me not only basic things 쉼표삭제 like eating or speaking, but also profound things 쉼표삭제 like communicating, and understanding. I have learned a lot of things from my parents since I was young and I am still learning now. I learn mostly from my parents so I believe that they are the best teachers. 기본적인 논리 흐름이 일관성을 가지고 있는 것은 좋지만, '많은 것을 가르쳐준다'라는 주장은 다소 피상적이라는 느낌을 줄 수 있습니다. 단순히 아이들과 시간을 많이 보낸다고 해서 많은 것을 가르쳐줄 수 있다고 연결하기에도 설득력이 부족하고요. 좋은 선생님의 자질과 부모를 더 긴밀하게 연결할 수 있게끔 idea를 더 발전시켜보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 살아가는 데 필요한 것들을 가장 잘 가르쳐주는 사람이 부모님이라는 점을 appeal하는 방향도 생각해볼 수 있고요.
Furthermore, parents give advice which fits to their children. Giving advice after understanding others' the other’s situation is an essential factor of the best teachers. Since the people who know their children most are parents, they are able to give the best advice. Parents give the most appropriate and useful advice to their children than other people such as school teachers, or friends because they know their children very well. 적절한 idea와 설명입니다. '부모'가 아이들을 잘 이해하기 때문에 '잘 맞는' 조언을 해줄 수 있다는 점, 그리고 좋은 선생님이 좋은 조언을 해준다는 점을 연결해서 논제에 대한 답변으로 잘 구성하신 부분이 좋습니다. For example, I had difficulties with deciding what I would major in before entering a university. I wanted to study both literature and medical science. My teacher suggested me to study medical science because he simply thought doctors gain a good reputation and make lots of money, too. Friends were not helpful either. They also had difficulties choosing to choose their major and they did not know which was is better due to lack of experiences. The teacher and friends could not give proper lessons because they did not understand me well. My parents were different and they knew about me exactly so they provided the best advice. They told me that I have enjoyed reading and writing books since I was young but I scared of blood. After having conversation with my parents, I realized that I have more talents on literature and I also found out that my parents provided valuable lessons. This shows that parents are the best teacher because they give advice by understanding their children. 적절한 내용의 사례입니다. 불필요한 요소들을 없애고 꼭 필요한 내용만 남겨서 body1과의 분량 균형을 맞출 수 있도록 정돈해주면 좋을 것 같아요.
In conclusion, I agree that parents are the best teachers for the reasons I have mentioned above. First, parents teach many different kinds of things as the best teachers. Second, parents give advice which fits to their children.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair - Good (22–25)
기본적인 내용 방향이나 구성, 일관된 흐름 모두 좋습니다. idea와 설명을 더 설득력있게 발전시키는 부분, 표현상의 어색한 부분, 문단 사이의 balance를 맞추는 부분들을 중점적으로 검토해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!