The lecturer argues that instrumental music classes are essential. This point of view contradicts the reading passage’s claim that these classes are not really necessary.
First of all, the lecturer says that learning instrumental music is helpful for students to pick up other main subjects, such as math and language. This is because it allows students to get abstract thinking skills in math classes by recognizing musical notation in music classes. (두 가지의 행위가 아예 각각의 행위로 보이는 문장입니다. 음악수업에서 abstract thinking의 방법을 배워서 math를 더 쉽게 배울 수 있다는 등의 연결을 만들면 좋을 것 같아요.) Also, they can improve their spoken language by minute difference of sounds in musical classes. This opinion casts doubt on the reading passage’s claim that these instrumental musical classes reduce the amount of time studying other more important subjects, like math and language.
Second of all, the lecturer points out that there are many different kinds
of ways to save money for instrumental musical classes. For example, this is one method is to recruit volunteer teachers who are willing to
teach students for free. Another way is that people who do not use their
instruments can donate them for students, or schools can buy them at very low
prices. This explanation counters the reading passage’s claim that these
classes need high expenses because they require very expensive instruments.
Lastly, the lecturer claims that learning musical instruments al is highly
rewarding, even though every student does not become a professional
musician. This is because this will make their lives rich. And, who knows? (informal합니다.) Afterwards some of them may
realize their talents, and they may be amazing artists. This view refutes the
reading passage’s claim that not every student has the ability to be a
successful musician, so it is unrealistic to expect them to get much rewarded
for their efforts.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
주어진 reading과 lecture지문의 주장이 명확하게 드러나고 비교되고 있어서 좋은 것 같습니다. 하지만 전반적으로 informal한 tone이 있어서 토플 에세이에는 적합하지 않은 것 같습니다. 각 지문이 제시하는 내용의 디테일을 좀 더 정확하게 표현하면서 비교에 초점을 둔다면 훨씬 좋은 에세이가 될 수 있을 것 같습니다. 그리고 musical class보다는 music class라는 표현이 더 자연스러울 것 같아요.
수고하셨습니다.