▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that being professional
in one`s fields is essential to be teachers. However, in my opinion, I strongly
support the idea that relationships between students and teachers is the most
significant factor in education. There are several reasons why I think this
way. First, well-rounded education ultimately pursues not only academic progress
but also personality development. Second, teaching skills does not strictly
require teachers to do in-depth research on their fields.
To begin with, relationships between
teachers and students is the most essential part in the learning process. In other
words, Students are able to learn a wide variety of social customs, enhance
their social skills and build a strong character. Thus, teachers should be a
role model and continuously try to get close to their pupils. A study was
conducted by Board of Education in Korea with 1,500 students as respondents. The
purpose of this survey was to understand the consensus view about correlation
between students and teachers. What they found was very intriguing. Students who
had responded to have a positive way of relationship with teachers tend to get 15% more
higher scores than those who had not. This survey indirectly proves that a friendly relations tremendously affect students with their grades and
personalities. <(Strong 한 support는 아닙니다. 조금 더 관계에 있어서 어떤 영향이 있는지 말씀 주시면 더 좋을것 같습니다)
On top of that, teaching skills does not
require instructors to get more knowledge in their fields. To be specific,
they would rather put much emphasis on how they teach students more effectively
with positive connection. According to a statistics conducted by same
institution, 95% of high school teachers in Korea only got have an undergraduate degree
and only 5% of them have Doctorate doctor`s degrees. Despite the fact that they were less
likely to be experts in their fields, they are struggling to develop a close relationship with students and it has been proven that this endeavor drive students to develop their personalities and grades.
To sum up, I strongly support the idea that
positive connection with students is the most important thing teachers should
have by several reasons. <(Conclusion은 에세이의 전체 내용을 3~4로 결론을 내셔서 써주시는게 좋습니다)
Overall Score: Fair (17~20) Comment: 전체적으로 문법 상 큰 문제는 없어 보입니다. Composition, coherence, cohesion 도 괜찮으 십니다. 다만 써포트가 조금 weak해 보입니다. 예를 들어 두 번째 근거에서는 선생님들이 세부 분야에 대해서 굳이 더 공부를 하실 필요가 없다고 하셨습니다. 그렇다면 그 뒤에 나오는 이야기는 그 이유를 설명 해주시면 좋습니다. 예를 들어 학사 과정 밖에 하지는 않았는데 그래도 학교에서 학생들이 배우는게 더 많다. 한국에서 대부분 선생님들이 학사 과정만 했다는 것은 한국에서 선생님들이 자신이 가리키는 분야에서 더 공부를 하지 않았다는 proof가 되지만 왜 그렇지 하지않아도 되는지의 reasoning이 되지는 못합니다. |