▶ Your Answer :
There are a lot of controversies over whether if individuals can help environment, or they can't. or not. Some may consider that individuals' effect on reducing environmental pollution is very insignificant. I, H->however, strongly believe that individuals can help make our environment a little safer->our environment to be safer. First, there are a lots of people who are propagating the movements-> have joined the movements (운동에 참여해온) (propagate의 목적어는 사상, 신조,정보가 와야 하네요..)about protecting earth from pollution. And also, it is ->has been proven that individuals can effect our environment significantly.
>>서론의 내용은 좋은 것 같습니다.^^
To start with, I think we can make our environment a little safer by doing volunteers->volunteer works, (자원봉사라고는 했지만 구체적으로 어떤 자원봉사인지 적어주어야 해요.그래서 works, 뒤에 including쓰고 뒤에 것들을 종속시켜 주는 게 좋을 것 같네요.)-> including picking up garbages which rivers and mountains are covered with, and continuously monitoring emitted pollutants from factories, and joining environmental movements such as separating recycable from trash and making soap of gathered used oil etc.(에세이에 etc 이런거 적으면 안좋아요.)
Many people consider it is meaningless to do all the encumbering chores->troublesome chores and the volunteer works, since they think they can't affect environmet->our surroundings conspicuously.
반론제기 좋아요^^
Although it is really hard to realize that we are changing our environment, individuals do affect ours greatly. It is because individuals composes the general
이것도 좋을거 같아요.->It is certain that we hardly feel what has been bettered after a short period of practice helpful to purging environment due to the greatness of nature.
반론에 대한 말로만 끝내지마시고.. 하지만-해야 한아 -하기 때문이다. 라는 문장 하나 더 붙여 주시면 좀 더 좋겠죠.
>그러나 우리는 우리가 할수있는 일들을 지속적으로 해야한다. 우리자신이 그리고 우리의 후손들이 건강한 삶을 누리기 위해서. 우리의 이런 노력들은 어떤 부분에서는 이미 성과를 보이고 있다.
However, we have to do what we can do inconsistantly in order for us or our decendants to live healthier lives.
Thanks to consistent efforts of many people, some accomplisments have appeared.
To be specific, there is a research conducted by environmental department of Yale University, showing some cases that by promoting individual citizens to pick the garbage and recycle, and to use public transportation, environmental pollution have been successfully reduced.
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