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■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : people gain better knowledge in school or outside of school | |
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▶ Your Answer :
There has been an argument regarding the issue of whether people gain better knowledge in schools or outside of them. Some people maintain that students must learn in them. However, from my perspective, I believe that the from the outside exterior of them schools, it (exterior라는 단어는 물리적인 외부나 외벽을 뜻합니다.) would provide better knowledge for people. In this essay, I will give two possible reasons to support my point.
To start with, studying beyond the school’s boundary of school (학교는 살아있는 생물체가 아니기에 소유격을 붙이는것은 엄밀히 따지면 문법상 오류가 있습니다.) is better because people can get various opportunities such as experiencing your future career. Generally, the world is definitely bigger than the schools and thus, it is obvious that there are more chances outside of it. For a clear glimpse of this, we can look at my own experience. Once, I had the chance to work at U.N. headquarters, and (이런 경우 and는 붙이지 않습니다.) since I was looking forward to get an occupation at there, I learned a lot about what they do, how they work, and how the workers are paid. This kind of opportunity is something that you can never get from just studying in a at school. According to these experiences, I have learned that doing something outside of the school can provide a lot of priceless opportunities as I mentioned.
Furthermore, by doing something in the exterior outside of schools, we can gain practical knowledge. Generally speaking, since we can only touch the surface and only learn something through a textbook, it is apparent that we cannot gain many realistic abilities like dealing with diverse kind of people. A research result that I read can shed light on this point. The research surveyed many adults who are already contributing to this society in many ways. They said that they got most of their useful skills when they actually worked, not through textbooks. In addition, they said that it will be beneficial for everyone to have this chance for getting practical knowledge. Hence, the two aforementioned points explains the pros of gaining knowledge outside of school. It not only provides not only (but also 뒤의 부분이 provide에 이어 쓰여지기 때문에 not only의 위치는 provide 뒤에 오게 됩니다.) various opportunities, but also real-life skills like such as handling different kind of people. Keeping these points in mind would give people the chance to be more qualified candidates. | |
안녕하세요! 에세이 잘 읽었습니다 =)
에세이 구조가 굉장히 좋습니다 ^^
서론에서 좋은 스타트를 끊어주었지만 예시를 언급해주지 않은것은 약간 아쉽습니다.
결론 문단도 좋은 마무리를 지어주셨구요. 탬플릿을 이용하여 에세이를 쓰시는 것도 좋은 방법입니다. 탬플릿을 따로 보지 않고 에세이를 쓸때 자연스럽게 탬플릿들이 쓰여질수 있게 꾸준히 연습하세요 ^^
그리고 전치사 부분에 있어서 문법상 오류가 많이 보였습니다. 의미를 잘 파악하시고 어떤 전치사를 쓰실지 공부하신다면 부족한 2%가 채워질것 같습니다 ^^
수고하셨습니다! 화이팅하세요~