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A thought-provoking current issue concerns the pace of working. Some believe that people should work quickly and take a (risk는 주로 명사로써 쓰입니다. 위험을 감수하며 라는 뜻을 가진 take a risk for 이라는 숙어와 함께 쓰는게 좋습니다) risk for making mistakes, instead of working slowly and making sure that everything is correct. It is therefore timely to consider the validity of this perspective. For the following reasons, I disagree that it is better to work quickly than to work slowly. First, it decreases the productivity; second, it makes me stressful.
To begin with, the productivity will decrease if people work quickly. While working quickly, they will obviously make mistakes. Since they have to correct mistakes, working quickly will take longer to finish jobs than working slowly. For example, last year, I worked for (work for은 ~로써 일하다 라는 숙어입니다. 전치사 for과 함께 쓰시는게 좋습니다) a part-time job in a restaurant with my friend John. When he washed the (특정한 접시가 아닌 일반 접시를 닦는것이기에 the가 필요없습니다) dishes, he did so quickly that he made many mistakes. In order to correct mistakes, he did it again and again. As a result, I could finish much faster than him because I washed the dishes at a slow pace in order to make sure that everything is correct. This example shows that since it will negatively affect the productivity, it is preferable to work slowly and perfectly.
In addition, working at a fast pace makes people stressful. So Therefore (문장의 시작으로 so, and, or, also와 같은 접속사를 쓰시는건 좋지 않습니다) in order to feel comfortable, working slowly is better than working quickly for people. The world is becoming more and more competitive, so many companies force people to work quickly in order to improve productivities. As a result, many people nowadays are stressed out and get many diseases. For example, a study conducted by Harvard University points out that people who work at a fast pace tend to get serious illness such as cancer. than people work at a slow pace. (비교급 형용사 없이는 than을 쓰실수 없습니다. 그리고 굳이 than과 구문을 쓰시지 않아도 뜻을 확실히 표현할수 있습니다.) So (In order to는 ~을 하려면 이라는 뜻인데 여기엔 적게나마 so의 의미가 포함되어 있습니다. 생략가능합니다) In order to be healthy, it is recommended to work slowly. This example shows that since it is not good for our health, working slowly and making sure that everything is correct is better.
As mentioned above, I prefer to work slowly rather than quickly. This is because working quickly reduces the productivity and it negatively affects our health.
(결론은 단순히 자신의 주장과 이유만을 언급하는 단순한 부분이 아닙니다. 주제와 자신의 주장, 그리고 그 이유를 확실히 다시한번 상기시키고 에세이 전체를 마무리 지어주는 큰 부분들중 하나입니다. 결론부분을 좀 더 신경쓰셔서 마무리 지으신다면 좀 더 퀄리티 있는 에세이가 될것같습니다) |