It has been said, “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
People have different opinions on whether reading books is are more important source than experience for gaining knowledge. I agree that more important source of knowledge is books rather than experience for two reasons. First, you can learn efficiently from books. Second, there are things that you can learn only from books, not from experience.
Most of all, it is possible to gain knowledge from books more efficiently. Gaining knowledge from experience always requires time and cost. 책을 통해 배우면 상대적으로 시간과 비용이 적게 든다는 점까지 더 설명해주면 좋을 것 같아요. idea 자체는 아주 좋습니다. Suppose you want to know about other countries’ cultures or universe. If you will learn those things from experience, you would have to be physically in other countries or universe. You can do this, but this is not an easy thing. You need a lot of time and money for travelling. However, if you use books, you could gain knowledge more conveniently. The only thing things you need is are relevant books and time for reading. This shows that books are more economical source for gaining knowledge. 적절한 내용의 example입니다.
Besides, some knowledge could be gained only from books. Of course, you can learn things from experience, but you cannot learn everything when you only rely on experience. 마찬가지로 주장에 대한 설명이 더 보완되는 편이 좋습니다. 구체적으로 직접 경험하지 못하는 지식들이 있는데 책을 통해 이 부분을 배움으로써 well-rounded될 수 있다, 하는 식으로 책을 통해 얻는 지식의 장점을 강조해주세요. For example, how do you gain knowledge about history from experience? What kind of experience will you do in order to learn that why Korea has been divided for over 50 years? When I study history, the important source is not experience but books. After reading historical books, I can learn learned what happened in the past and understand understood how it has affected until now. This demonstrates that books can provide knowledge experience cannot. 좋습니다. 단순히 '가정'에서 출발한 사례가 아니라 내가 실제 경험한 것처럼 설명해주는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. 실제 경험담이나 출처가 분명한 사례일수록 신빙성이 높고 설득력이 높아질 수 있습니다.
In conclusion, I agree that books are more important source than experience for gaining knowledge for the reasons that I have mentioned above. First, it is more efficient possible to gain knowledge from books more efficiently. Second, some knowledge could be gained only from books.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair (17–23)
기본적인 내용 방향은 모두 좋습니다. 주장에 대한 설명을 더 구체화해서 설득력을 높일 수 있게끔 improve해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 충분히 더 좋은 점수 받으실 수 있을 거예요^^ 수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!