*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
In the lecture, the lecturer casts cast doubts on the idea of the reading that there were three clear reasons why the development of the factory system was first made possible in England. The lecturer argues that the reasons mentioned in the reading are not convincing.
First of all, the lecturer disagrees with the idea of the reading that the factory system first developed in England because of the advent of new technologies of steam engines. Specifically, whereas the reading indicates that the introduction of steam engines made it possible to generate a great amount of energy to operate factory systems, the lecturer argues that steam engines had as many problems as benefits, such as the high risk of explosion and frequent breakdowns. In this line of thought, the lecturer asserts that there were not actually many noticeable breakthroughs to accelerate the rise of factory system. 증기엔진의 등장이라는 대립요소가 명확해지게끔 보완해주세요. 내용 정리에 필요한 detail들은 적절한 것 같아요. 또한 reading의 내용보다는 lecturer의 내용에 좀 더 초점을 두고 풀어내는 편이 좋기 때문에 밑줄 친 reading의 주장을 더 간단하게 줄이고 lecturer의 반박내용을 강조하는 것도 좋겠습니다.
Second, the lecturer rebuts* the idea of the reading that the introduction of property rights helped investors to invest more in new factories resulting in the development of the factory system is rebutted by the lecturer. 그대로도 틀린 문장은 아니지만 전달력이 높아지게끔 문장 구조를 수정해주는 편이 좋을 것 같습니다. The lecturer gives an example of Germany to contradict the idea. According to the lecturer, the fact that Germany also had well-organized policies on the protection of property rights at that time tells that there is no clear evidence to support the reason why England was the first country to experience the rise of the factory system. lecturer의 반박주장과 detail들이 잘 정리되어 있습니다.
Finally, the lecturer contradicts the idea of the reading that the decrease of transporting cost of raw materials and goods encouraged manufacturers to develop the factory system. To elaborate, the lecturer argues that since manufacturers had to spend the same amount of money in building factories and hiring supervisors to oversee their laborers overseas, there was hardly any causal relationship between the reduction of transportation costs and the rise of the factory system. 대립되는 point가 명확하고 필요한 내용들도 잘 요약된 문단입니다.
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–30)
전반적으로 내용 정리에 필요한 부분을 잘 노트테이킹해주신 것 같습니다. 각 문단의 point에 초점을 두고 대립되는 내용들도 잘 정리된 편입니다. 통합형의 경우 장황한 설명보다는 기본적으로 간단한 요약문을 요구하므로 복잡한 표현이나 만연체의 문장보다는 간결한 문장을 사용하는 것이 좋으니 참고하세요^^ 제가 정확하게 지문의 내용을 모르는 상태에서 요약 형식이나 detail들만을 가지고 평가한 부분이므로 꼭! 문제지의 답안과 직접 확인하셔서 노트테이킹에서 빠진 부분이나 잘못 이해된 부분은 없는지 내용 체크해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^화이팅!