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■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic :
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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▶ Your Answer :
In today`s society, it is widely believed that taking a trip alone is the best way to enjoy their one's (혼자 여행한다는 것은 한명이 있다는 의미입니다. 이럴 경우 their을 쓰는것이 매우 애매합니다.) travel. Some people advocate that, however, However, (만약 제가 삭제한 부분을 꼭 넣고싶다면 however는 옳지 않은 표현이 됩니다. 그럴 경우엔 but을 사용하시는게 맞습니다.) I disagree with this view. I firmly believe that (목적어가 한 단어가 아닌 문장이라면 that, which 라는 접속사를 쓰시는게 좋습니다.) the best way to travel is with in a group, led by a tour guide. This is because first, it helps me to save money and time, second it allows me to share good memories with companions.
First of all, I am able to save vast amount of financial budget resource (resource는 자원이라는 뜻이 더 강합니다. budget (자금) 이라는 단어 사용이 더 적절합니다.) and valuable time. To be more specific, I can share the expense of the trip with companion. And In addition, (and, or, also, so와 같은 단어로 문장을 시작하는 것은 좋지 않습니다.) I don`t not (에세이에서 줄임표현은 사용하시지 않는게 좋습니다.) need to prepare for my trip such as finding a tourist attraction and or (such뒤의 전치사는 and 보다는 or이 더 효과적인 표현입니다.) accommodations, which may require a lot of time and efforts. For example, when I was in college, I decided to travel alone to Paris to improve my perspectives. My parents recommended me to hire tour guides, but But (but을 쓰실땐 쉼표와 함께 문장을 이어주는것이 더 자연스럽습니다.) I thought that a whole process which I prepared for my trip by myself was beneficial to me because it would probably accompany educational process. However, when I arrived at Paris, all of things I had planned were more difficult than I ever thought because of my inadequate language skill. Inevitably, Consequently, (inevitably는 피할수 없게 라는 뜻입니다. 문맥상 결과적으로 라는 뜻을 가진 consequently가 더 잘 어울릴것 같습니다.) I just wasted significant amount (significant는 형용사이므로 숙어가 아닌 이상 of가 올수 없습니다.) of time and money in Paris. Through this experience, it proved to me that tour guides is are (tour guides는 복수형입니다.) necessary for someone who want to take a trip effectively.
Second, taking a trip with companions allows me to share good memories together during the trip. a travel. In other words, whenever people see a beautiful scenery or an awesome tourist attraction, they want to talk to someone and take a pictures together in front of these such (이러한 경치가 바로 앞에 있는것이 아니기에 these 보다는 such를 사용하시는게 좋습니다.) magnificent views. On the other hand, if I take a trip alone, it would definitely make me feel lonely. According to study done by New York Times, it revealed that 60 percent of people answered that the most important factor to make their trip a memorable experience was their friends or companions who had taken the trip together. Therefore, it is clear that the best way to travel is in with a group.
All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget.
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안녕하세요! 에세이 잘 읽었습니다.
에세이 구조 자체는 나쁘지 않습니다.
하지만 마지막 conclusion이 매우 취약합니다. 우선 문단이라는 것은 최소 3-4문장으로 이루어 집니다.
지금 글쓴 분께선 2문장 밖에 없으신데다 이렇다 할 마무리도 없이 급하게 끝낸것 처럼 느껴져요 ㅠㅠ
conclusion에는 다시 한번 자신의 주장과 이유를 언급하고 힘있게 마무리를 하시는 것이 좋습니다.
영어는 길게 쓰면 쓸수록 좋지 않습니다. 간결하고 확실하게 표현하는 것이 가장 좋죠.
이러한 부분과 몇몇 문법 오류들은 위에 빨간 글씨로 설명드렸습니다.
읽어보시고 꾸준히 공부하고 연습하시면 에세이 실력이 더 늘것 같습니다 =)
화이팅하세요!