There might be some people who claim that people in the past were more satisfied with their life than
people are nowadays. more people are
satisfied in the past than today. However, I personally disagree
with the above idea because life has become more convenient for the two
subsequent reasons; development of transportation and home appliances.
To begin with, traveling is much more convenient now than before. This is due to the fact that not only
diverse options have been introduced but also a lot of roads and railways have
been constructed. As a result, traffic is able to be
diversified into different options and routes. (표현이 적절하지 않습니다. 주어를 바꿔서 내용의 어색함을 수정해보세요.) Moreover, transportation
operating in extremely high speed such as KTX was also developed such as KTX. I will explain my personal story as
an example. When I was an elementary school student, trip to my hometown of my
parents was quite an ordeal because it took more than 8 hours by car.
Especially during national holidays, I had to spend up to 20 hours on the road
without dropping by toilet. Poor transportation system and limited range of
travelling options made all cars take the similar routes, causing significant congestion. However, KTX which allows people to travel from Seoul to Busan in less than 3 hours in comfortable environment
significantly reduced the number of cars on the
road. Moreover, newly developed highways such as Seohaean highway Expressway successfully distribute the
vehicles and contribute to shortening
of the traveling time. (표현이 어색합니다.) Therefore, such progress in
transportation technology allowed people to travel in a more convenient manner
than before.
On the top of that,
advances in home appliances technology enable people to enjoy more
comfortable life. Cutting edge devices such as drum washing machine, dish
washers and micro waves play a significant role in decreasing the amount of
time and effort spent on household chores. As a result, burden of singles and
dual-income families as well as house wives has lessened, which leads to decreased stress level. According
to the research conducted by JTBC, which is a
famous media company in Korea, the amount of time spent on housekeeping works
has been reduced by 3 hours on per day with the help of technological development.
This is especially good for house wives because many of them usually get
depressed conducting from never ending repetitive works. By utilizing new
appliances, they were are now able to secure more leisure time and develop
their capabilities participating in productive
activities. As a result, they can effectively manage stress and
enrich their lives broadening their horizon.
In conclusion, as technologies related to transportation and home appliances have advanced remarkably than before, our standard of living has been improved as well. In this regard, I strongly believe that life now is less difficult than in the past.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Limited (10-17)
글쓴이가 주어진 토픽에 대해서 clear한 stance를 가지고 있고, 이에 대한 논리적인 이유가 있다는 것을 정확하게 파악할 수 있는 에세이 입니다. 전반적인 내용에 있어서는 크게 문제되는 부분이 없는 것 같아요. 문법적으로도 크게 문제가 있는 것은 아니지만 글이 자연스럽지가 않습니다. 문법적으로는 맞아도 글의 내용의 흐름에 적절하지 않는 어색한 표현들이 많은 것 같아요. 좀 더 영어적으로 사고하고 작문할 수 있도록 노력해 주셔야 할 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다.