In today's complicated society, it is
believed that there are many things to do which requires teamwork like farming
in the past. Some people advocate that a current
person should invest almost entire time to develop his or her own competence to
achieve something rather than cooperation
(to cooperate). However, I disagree with this
view. I firmly believe that the ability to cooperate with others become (became) much
more important than (in) the past time. It is because it is hard for one person
to treat whole things and today's society has stretched
works (word choice?) in the world
which require more and more understanding about
(of) other cultures.
(Do not bring the concept of ‘culture’ here. This seems
largely unrelated to the given topic.)
To begin with, achieving something
successfully by oneself become (became) difficult compared to the past. As technology has developed, a lot of fields are
concretely sophisticated. That is, people have hard time finding out
other fields unrelated to their jobs. (I could not
understand this sentence.) In addition, today's
times put importance on fusion among areas (has
become immensely important) like a
compound of art and cell-phone. Many consumers do not buy a new
cell-phone model just because its design is appealing or it has merely original
functions. They purchase when both two factors fits with their preference. It
shows well (that) the consumer's needs (has) also become complicated and diverse. If a
designer and an engineer strive for inventing a new model together, the
procedure would be more efficient as their diverse knowledge would be reflected
on it. That is, it can also a increase the
probability of making a breakthrough. As a result, nowadays
competent designers and engineers collaborate together to satiate requirements from people in leading companies (of the consumers = this is what you have written about in
the previous sentence.). In addition, it is common that universities
promote team projects for their students to be able to cope with works which
need a coordination among people in different realms in their (of study) future jobs. Accordingly, cooperation can
allow people to accomplish bigger success.
(The past tense of become
is became!)
Moreover, the chance to work with people
from other countries has been increasing. It is because many globalized
companies has sprang (have sprung) up around the world. It means that they
require employees who can cooperate with foreigners. The cooperation especially
includes (the pre)requisite(s) such as the
understanding about other cultures
and proficiency of English. If a group composed of only Koreans works in China,
they couldn't (wouldn’t) get any success. When they employ the native people in China (Chinese), they can achieve a goal of their enterprise.
For example, a famous international pizza company made success through
naturalization. The success required natural
employees' help who know (knew) well what taste and
savor are preferred by residents in a specific country. Thus, it
shows that when people start to
business in other countries, they need to employ and cooperate with native (its) people.
(Be sure to check
thoroughly your grammar at all times. Having too much grammar mistake is a
definite minus!!)
In conclusion, it is my belief that cooperation is more indispensable factor in current society rather than the past. It is heard in a news article that many people try to begin their own company, about 5% companies survive in markets after 10 years. If they put effort to cooperate with diverse people, the probability to succeed would be rise.