Some people believe that prefer to live in a small town, because of beautiful landscape of nature and clear air, while, others prefer to live in a big city. This is because it has many advantages advantageous for them. In my opinion, I disagree with the idea. I advocate that living live in a big city has have many benefits for me because it gives me numerous opportunities that I can enjoy for my life. There are a lot of reasons why I prefer to live in a big city and I will explain them below
First of all, it (it 보다는 big city가 더 좋을 것 같아요) provides various chances to me. Such as learn getting more education and going through diversity experience. A big city has many universities of high quality and professors who received higher education. It (여기서의 it이 무엇을 표현하는지 명확하지 않아요. Detail한 단어를 사용해서 수정하는 게 좋을 것 같아요) gives me a valuable and meaningful education and then It is good for me to focus on research about my subject. In addition, living in a big city is that helps people to acquire variety of experiences. Big city has many facilities such as movie theater, historical, art museum and opera house. nearby. Such as movie theater, historical, art museum, opera house. For example, when I went to New York City, was going to Newyork city. I’ve been I went to natural history museum and I watched fantastic musical. Also I visited Lincoln center and I listened perfect harmony of orchestra in there. At the same time, I learned a lot of history and musical music. And then I spent more exciting leisure time. It was nice for my live.
Secondly, A big city offers a wide of range public transportation. It is pretty comfortable
for our daily life. Most people commute to school or company every day. Public transportation will shorten commuting time a lot. A big city has huge public transportation than a small town. For instance, I studied in newzealand of small town for seven months before three years. When I studied in there I haven’t a car. I have a difficult time going to school. But I moved in Auckland that most of big city in newzealand and so easy to commute school everyday.
Since, The bus that going to my shool coming frequently at intervals of 15minutes in my home
town. So, It is important to my daily life and comfortable to going to school, shopping and anywhere.
With the statement above, In conclusion, I support the idea that live in a big city is better than live in a small city. It offers numerous opportunities and enjoy interesting culture for me. Moreover It give us convenient public transportation for our daily life. It will be live our life more easily and fascinating life for me. Therefore, I strongly agree with the idea that living in a big city is that provide many advantage than small town.
앞의 두 문단을 읽어보고 수정을 조금 해드렸는데요. 일단 기초적으로 주어와 동사의 수일치도 잘 안되고 있는 부분이 많아요. 에세이를 쓰기 전에 문법적인 부분을 좀 더 확실하게 집고 넘어가시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 문장의 구조가 어색한 부분도 많고 의미전달이 잘 안되는 경우도 있어요. 다시한번 에세이를 proof reading 해 보시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 그리고 첫 번째 이유에 대한 예시로 뉴욕을 다녀온 걸 쓰셨는데, 충분히 연관성 있는 예시인 것 같아요. 하지만 예시와 도시에 살아야하는 이유가 잘 연결되어 있지는 않아요. 도시에 살게되면 뉴욕에서 즐겼던 것 처럼 다양한 문화생활을 즐길 수 있다고 마무리를 지어주셔야 연관성이 생기게 됩니다. 다시한번 말씀드리지만 전체적으로 문법적인 구조에 많은 신경을 써 주시길 바래요.