> > 2013-08-13 11:29:32, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
|
▶ Topic :
Your friend has a trouble during schoolwork and you have a lot of information on it. In this case, if your friend get a help from you, is this better than get a help from professional tutor? | |
|
▶ Your Answer :
Some people tend to think getting a help from classmates for schoolwork is better than a help that (비교를 하실땐 비교하는 두 상대가 정확해야 합니다. getting a help from classmates가 첫번째 상대이기 때문에 두번째 상대는 getting a help from the tutor가 되어야 하지만 that from the tutor로 줄일수 있습니다.) from the tutor. My view, However, however, (문장의 첫 단어가 아니라면 첫번째 철자가 대문자이면 안됩니다.) is that professional tutor helps students to do better for their schoolwork well for the with two reasons. First, professional mentor has knowledge about how to teach students. Second, a help from friends have negative effect on schoolwork in the long term.
To begin with, professional tutor has more the (more과 명사 사이엔 관사가 붙지 않습니다.) chance to encourage students to study well better during for the (문맥상 well 보단 better가 더 좋은 선택인것 같습니다.) schoolwork than classmates. In general, teachers or people with skill about how to teach know the method to encourage students to concentrate on their study. studies. (study가 명사로 쓰일땐 단수형으로 쓰이는게 대부분입니다.) Although friends of students have an advantage of knowing each other better than tutors, know-how from tutors outperforms the advantage from the students. To be more (specific은 형용사이기 때문에 혼자서 쓰일순 없습니다.) specific, back in college, I had a difficulty difficulties (difficulty는 복수형으로 쓰시는게 어려움을 더 강조할수 있습니다.) in catching up with (catching up 다음에 목적어가 붙을땐 with를 항상 붙여주세요.) a math class. Although I asked questions which came to my mind in the math class to my classmates, they could not explain the questions to me very well. However, my friendly teacher helped me to solve the problem. She not only Not only she explained the answers of my questions, but also encouraged me to study math continually. With the help of from my teacher, I finally could understand the questions about the math and obtained good grades in the math class. In this regards, professional tutor is more helpful to do well in school.
Moreover, a help from friends for schoolwork have ineffective impact on the performance performing well in schools. Although friends' help seems to be a (seems to에서 to는 to부정사의 역할을 하기에 동사가 꼭 따라와야 합니다.) solution about difficulty of understanding schoolwork, It it could can (문장을 현재형으로 시작하셨기에 현재형이 되어야합니다.) not long last long. (동사를 꾸며주는 부사는 동사 뒤에 위치합니다.) This is because friends don't not have any skills about teaching. If the direct answers of your the questions are given, prevent you from power of solving it will not provide you the ability to solve (prevent는 긍정적인 의미의 예방입니다. 부정적인 의미를 지닌 문장으로써 적합한 표현이 아닙니다.) problems by yourself in the future. The A study conducted in Harvard University shows that people who get a help from their friends easily have tendency to loss lose (loss는 lose의 명사형이므로 동사로 쓰일수 없습니다.) their chance to increase the power of solving problem by theirselves. This study also states that especially for students, they might loss lose the power of thinking difficult problems if they get a solution from their friends directly. For preventing To prevent above the such problems, trained tutors is are necessary to encourage students to think and solve the problem by themselves. theirsleves. For the reasons, trained and professional tutor more helpful to deal with schoolwork. (이 문장은 결론에 더 어울리는 문장입니다.)
To sum up, I believe that professional tutor is more lucrative to cope with the schoolwork for students than their friends for the two reasons that I mentioned above. First, professional teachers usually have knowledge and skill about teaching. Second, help from friends have a negative effect on performing in school. | |
안녕하세요 에세이 잘 읽었습니다 =)
문단의 나눔과 에세이의 구조는 좋습니다만 아직 기본적인 문법 오류가 몇가지 있습니다.
그리고 결론 문단에서 다 잘하셨는데 마지막으로 끝을 맺는 문장이 없어서 아쉽습니다.
단순히 주제와 글쓴 분의 생각, 그리고 그 이유만을 언급하는 것이 결론의 전부가 아닙니다. 에세이 전체의 끝맺음을 마무리 하기에 무언가 임팩트 있거나 자연스러운 끝맺음을 짓는 문장이 필요합니다.
그리고 영어 표현법이 너무 평범한 느낌입니다 ㅠㅠ 단어를 좀 더 외우시고 어휘력을 늘리시면 훨씬 더 고퀄리티의 에세이가 나올것 같습니다 =) 수고하셨습니다
화이팅하세욧!