> > 2013-08-13 12:32:40, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic :
Some people prefr to work for a larg company. Others prefer to work for a small company. Which would you prefer? | |
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▶ Your Answer :
There are so many (various에는 many라는 뜻도 포함합니다.) various kinds of companies in the world and it is important for workers to decide what kind of which company they will (if를 사용하실땐 두번째 구절의 시제가 첫번째 구절의 시제보다 한단계 위여야 합니다.) work for. Some people think that working (문맥상 일을 하는 것 이라는 뜻이 되어야 하므로 working 이 더 맞는 표현입니다.) for a small company is preferred (prefer는 동사이기에 is뒤에 바로 쓰일수 없습니다. 수동태의 형태로만 쓰일수 있습니다.) to working for a large company because of a friendly atmosphere. However, in my opinion, working in (큰 회사에서 일을 하는 것 이 더 좋은 주어가 될것 같습니다.) a large company gives me more good better (more good은 잘못된 표현입니다. better를 써주세요) chances to build a wide range of perspective and to do various projects.
First of all, working in (큰 회사'에서'일을 하는것이기 때문에 전치사가 꼭 필요합니다.) a large company allows me to meet a variety of people, which leads me to think with a border broader (문맥상 broader가 맞는 표현인것 같습니다.) perspective. This means that in a large company, there are so many people who come from different places and have different merits. By talking and sharing different opinions with these people and sharing different opinions, I can think with a wider range of perspective. On the other hand, if I work for a small company, I will always talk with a few (few는 거의 없다라는 뜻이고 a few는 몇몇의, 조금의 라는 뜻입니다.) people who I already know about their characteristics. This might be tedious and I might become to think with a narrower (이럴 경우 비교법을 쓰시는게 표현에 더 도움이 됩니다.) perspective. For instance, when there is a difficult problem in a large company, the company announces the problem to co-workers and then collect good solutions from all of them. Thus, the company can select the (최상급 표현 앞엔 꼭 the가 붙습니다.) best answers. Through this process, workers of the company can have chances to communicate with various people to solve the problem and they can learn to think with broader viewpoints. These experiences would make me to improve an ability to solve different problems in my life.
On top of that by working in a large company, I can experience big projects which would be good for my career in the future. To be specific, large companies usually do large and difficult projects, this is because they can work on the projects with ample funds. More important thing is that these projects commonly make bigger profits than that of smaller companies (비교 대상을 정확히 지정해주세요) some one and workers can accumulate their knowhow of the area. Participating such a large project could be a good chance to improve my capability in my area. These capabilities will help me to move on to a next job and improve my career. According to a study conducted by the Department of economy in Korea, in 2009, 85 percent of large projects were performed by large companies in every part of economy. The researcher pointed out that as a results, large companies have got greater profit, and small and medium enterprises lost the opportunities because of the lack of funds for last decade. This study shows that workers can improve their career by working in a large company.
To sum sup, a large company gives opportunities to meet various people and to experience large projects. In this regard, I believe that it is better to work in a large company for me.
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안녕하세요 에세이 잘 읽었습니다 =)
일단 서론이 매우 좋았던것 같습니다. 시작이 반이라는 말이 있듯이 스타트를 좋은 문장으로 잘 끊으신것 같습니다
하지만 그에 반해 결론은 매우 취약한 느낌이에요 ㅠㅠ 결론 문단은 단순히 자신의 생각을 마지막으로 한번 더 언급하는 것만이 아니라 에세이 전체의 끝을 제대로 마무리 하는 역할까지 맡습니다. 자신의 생각과 이유를 다시 한번 언급하고 마지막으로 에세이의 마무리를 끝맺음하는 좋은 문장이 있다면 더 좋을것 같습니다 =)
그리고 동사 뒤에 따라오는 전치사와 숙어의 사용에 있어서 조금 미숙한 부분이 보인것 같습니다. 단어집을 사셔서 조금 더 어휘력을 높이시면 에세이의 퀄리티가 더 높아질 것을 기대해봅니다 =) 수고하셨습니다
화이팅하세요! ^^