One can easily get a lot of information about a person via the books and movies they like.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
As the mass media is bigger than ever before, many people can find out the information about celebrities via books and movies. Some people often think they could know the information about their famous athletes or movie actors easily through these things. However, in my opinion, we cannot easily get a lot of information about a person through the books and movies for two reasons: people do not know whether the information they've got is real or not, and it is too limited to find the information from the books and movies.
★ OFF-TOPIC 논제가 묻는 내용을 사람과 관련된 정보를 책이나 영화를 통해 알 수 있다/없다는 내용으로 잘못 이해하신 것 같아요. statement 내용을 해석하면 '어떤 사람이 좋아하는 책이나 영화로부터 그 사람에 대한 정보를 많이 알 수 있다'가 됩니다.
즉 어떤 사람이 좋아하는 책이나 영화를 통해서 그 사람에 대해 많이 알 수 있는가를 묻고 있는 질문이지요. 때문에 영화나 책을 통해 유명인사에 대한 정보를 얻는 것은 전혀 논점이 다른 내용이 됩니다. 논제가 묻는 내용을 다시 점검해보시고 내용을 구성해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 다른 분들이 같은 주제로 쓴 글들이나 모델에세이 등을 참고하시는 것도 도움이 됩니다. 현재 글에서는 문법요소만 체크해두겠습니다.
To begin with, it is hard for us to recognize that the information is really true. This is because many famous actors, entertainers and athletes used to usually disguise them for the public. They always want to show the advantageous aspects of them and hide their disadvantages. In this way, celebrities can make people see them as the person they want to be seen like. For example, Korean people were so surprised that many famous Korean entertainers were are accused of habitual taking drugs habitually. People always thought these celebrities were are so kind and honest because movies and books made make these celebrities to be seen like the man the public could not cannot imagine to do that. This implies that the information from the books and movies cannot be the tool for judging others accurately.
On top of that, it is The range is too narrow range to find the information through the books and movies. This is due to the fact that people cannot put all of information into these books and movies and cannot easily find the information they want compared to the internet. We all know that now we are living in the information-age. We can easily find the a vast amount of data of information about a person through the one-click button on the internet. However, people cannot easily find out the information through the books and movies because these contain limited data. Suppose that we want to find the scandal issue of Mr. Jackson. If we try to get the information from the books and movies, we will have a hard terrible time to find finding such a thing. Contrarily, we can get information more easily if we use the internet.
To sum up, finding information about a person via the books and movies is not a good idea because they are untrustworthy and limited. In this regard, people should know the aspects of the truth of a person through other materials, not by movies or books.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited (1–16)
논제가 묻는 내용을 다시 점검해주세요. 문법적인 부분만 살펴봤을 때 크게 감점요인은 없지만 문장을 시작할 때 대문자로 시작하는 부분이나 불필요하게 정관사(the)가 들어가는 부분들 신경써주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 기본적인 구성력이 있으시니까 논제 파악단계에서 적절한 idea로 개요를 만드는 부분만 유의해주시면 될 것 같습니다. off-topic으로 파악될 경우 대부분의 채점항목에서 감점요인이 되기 때문에 좋은 점수를 받기 어렵습니다. 논제 파악 단계에서 어긋나는 바람에 아쉬운 글이 되었네요ㅠㅠ 다른 글들도 참고해보시면서 논제에 맞게끔 rewriting해보시는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!