Reading fiction is more enjoyable than watching movies.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
For as long as I remember, people have been debating the their preference between watching movies and reading fictions. There are certain pros and cons of each activity. activities. Although I know that watching movie gives more visual enjoyment, is more visual than reading a book, I prefer reading a book. The reasoning behind this is that books broaden our imagination and it is more practical.
To begin with, reading fictions can enhance our imagination and creativity. As a lot of books doesn't have any visual aids except for little small pictures, they give It gives you a wide space of imagination. Imagination and creativity are qualities that a person can grow by thinking and by pushing their thoughts. Books can help you create a new world where you can escape from the reality and enjoy the setting. In contrast, watching movies only restricts restrict the imagination of people by giving too to much images. Our doors of imagination shut when it is already set up with actors and backgrounds already made. And most of the time, technology cannot capture the precise background or images and it is disappointing. The scenes are there, so (that) there is no place for imagination. While movies are easy to understand, it they also hinder us from thinking out of the box. 상상력을 자극한다는 main idea가 명확하고 이에 대한 설명의 논리적 흐름도 적절합니다. 다만 논제가 묻는 내용은 무엇이 더 'enjoyable'한가에 대한 내용이므로, 단순히 창의력이 생겨서 좋다는 결론보다는 창의적으로 상상하고 사고하기 때문에 더 즐겁다, 하는 식의 논리가 되게끔 흐름을 보여주는 것도 좋을 것 같아요.
On top of that, reading fiction books is pragmatic since we can read books book everywhere. With technology evolving, one might say that now we can watch movies everywhere. Nevertheless, it is not the same effect when a person watches a movie in a theatre and other person on an electric device. Its effects are completely different. Books can be read everywhere and anytime whenever since it is an activity that doesn't disturb other people. Also, reading fictions can save same time because people can read book while waiting in the line or in the subway. It is a nice way to spend ones' free time. To give a personal example, I read a lot of books book during highschool years even though I was really busy with my school work. There were are always 10 minutes or so between classes or while I was waiting for my bus. After three years, I read a lot of book and I grew mentally as long as academically thanks to books. Likewise, reading books is a sensible actions and also time-saving. 어느 때나 즐길 수 있다는 idea나 설명이 좋습니다. 논리 흐름을 정돈해서 단계적인 구성을 보여줄 수 있도록 책이 '왜' 언제나 어디에서나 즐기기 좋은지에 대한 설명을 정리하고, 그에 '대비되는' 영화의 단점을 연결하는 형태로 정리해보는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. 예를 들어 책은 '어디에나 들고 다닐 수 있고 원할 때마다 꺼내볼 수 있다'↔'제대로 영화를 보려면 극장에 가야 하는 불편함이 있고 이동 중에 device를 이용해 본다고 하더라도 영화를 완전히 즐기기에는 몰입도가 (극장에서 보는 것과) 다를 가능성이 크다'하는 식으로요.
To summarize, I firmly believe that reading fictions is are better than watching movies. The rationale behind this is that people widen their imagination and save time by reading books. As the popular saying goes, reading makes a better person.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–25)
입장을 뒷받침하기 위한 idea들이 적절하고 '영화보기'와 비교해 설명하는 부분들이 적절히 제시되어 있습니다. 단계적인 구성이 잘 드러나도록 '이런 점이 좋다'vs'이런 점이 안 좋다'하는 점이 연결될 수 있도록 정리해보시는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. body1에서는 반복적인 내용을 줄이고 간단한 사례를 보완해서 [적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details]항목의 점수를 더 cover해볼 수도 있고요^^ 코멘트와 함께 검토해서 improve할 부분들 체크해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!