In the past, money was not the most important thing in the world. However, nowa days value of the money has increased than ever. We are living in a world that is too busy to seek for entertainment or enjoyment, at least they are not as important as earning money. Therefore, I believe that money is the most important aspect of getting a job for following reasons.
First and foremost, the purpose of getting a job is obvious, to earn money or to pursue a better living environment. It would be best if the working environment is comfortable and you have good relationship with the other employees. Often, it is difficult to catch both rabbits. For example, one of my relatives is working at Samsung which is the biggest and well known mechanic company and there is another relative working at a small company which has only 10 employees. The former one earn twice as more than the latter, but relation amongst the employees is not as good as the one working in a small company. However, everyone envy the former guy for earning a lot of money.
Furthermore, realtionship formed at a workplace does not last very long at least when one quits from that work place it is more likely that the relationship loosens. What a one can earn from a job devide into two aspects, money and a good relationship. From what I have heard from my cousins who are working in various companies, team members go through a lot of disputes so it is hard for the realation to continue because of the continual small disagreement between the employees. Also for a big company, there are a lot of cases which people do not know the employee members.
In conclusion, I believe that money is the most important aspect in getting a job because of the benefits the money gives to our living environment and short length of the relationship.
첫번째 시간을 재고 쓴것인데 다시 읽어보니 내용적인 부분에서 많이 부족한것 같아요...
에세이에 대한 자세한 첨삭과 무엇이 부족한것이 알고 싶은데 학원에서는 설명이 부족한 듯 싶어요.
어떤 아이디어를 쓰면 좋을지, independent는 문법적인 error 보다는 아이디어, 전개등이 되야하는데 국어자체를 잘 못하는 편이어서 걱정이네요 intergrated에서는 꽤 좋은 점수를 받는듯 싶은데 항상 점수대가 20`23정도인듯 싶어요 저번 시험을본지 4년 정도가 지났지만 많이 달라질것 같진 않고요
초등학생과 고등학생의 차이덕분에 점수가 조금은 오르겠지만 aim 하는 점수대가 29~30 인 만큼 지금으로부터 현저히 많은 발전이 필요합니다.
이 주제는 two reason자체를 생각하기가 너무 어려웠는데요 우선 회사로부터 얻을수 있는것이 money 와 companion이라고 잡고 동료를 dislike하는 쪽으로 했는데요
단순히 job의 purpose 가 money기에 첫째 reason을 잡으면 너무 point 가 weak 한것 같아 제가 수정을 한거에요.
In the past, money was not the most important thing in the world. We are living in a world that is too busy to seek for entertainment or enjoyment, at least they are not as important as earning money. Therefore, I believe that money is the most important aspect of getting a job for following reasons.
First and foremost, the purpose of getting a job is obvious, to earn money or to pursue a better living environment. We are living in a world where one cannot survive with lack of money. We need money to marry, buy a car, live in a comfortable house,or eat enough food. These are things that needs to be satisfied for a better living and without money, it is not likely that you would live in a contentment. For example, one of my relatives named Nick is working at Samsung which is the biggest and well known mechanic company and there is another relative named Sam working at a small company which has only 10 employees. Fomer earns twice as more than the latter, but relation amongst the employees is not as good as the one working in a small company. Sam envy Nick for earning a lot of money and regrets for not applying to a bigger company.
Furthermore, realtionship formed at a workplace does not last very long at least when one quits from that work place it is more likely that the relationship loosens. What a one can earn from a job devide into two aspects, money and a good relationship. From what I have heard from my cousins who are working in various companies, team members go through a lot of disputes so it is hard for the realation to continue because of the continual small disagreement between the employees. Also for a big company, there are a lot of cases which people do not know the employee members.
In conclusion, I believe that money is the most important aspect in getting a job because of the benefits the money gives to our living environment and short length of the relationship. In a society like this, choosing money over anything else have become something very reasonable.