■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic :
What it the important action for a contry’s leaders to
take to ensure a country’s prosperity and success?
- creating jobs for unemployed
workers. - lowering food prices
- providing
cheaper house |
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▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, a country’s decision plays a significant role in people’s daily lives where they are work or play. There are several ideas to improve a country’s prosperity and success by creating jobs for unemployed workers, lowering food prices, and providing cheaper house, while others do not. Respective sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that providing cheaper houses is better helpful to increase a country’s developments. There are several reasons as follows.
Most of all, when a country’s leaders invests in their money on providing the lower price of the house, it will bring better factors needed for success in their country. The cheaper house gives them a chance to gather young people who have a passion for their tasks. If young adults lived together in the same place, it is likely to boost economic development. For example, Seoul, one of the most economically developed city in Korea, had required people to pay a high amount of money for house and basic living prices. It was difficult to live for young people in Seoul, and thus there are many opportunities that promote a country’s economy. Also, the city had supported creating jobs for unemployed workers, but it was not effective since many young people got the financial burden about living the Seoul. However, the city has improved little by little after Jaein Moon, the president of (그냥 president Moon 이라고 하셔도 무방합니다.) South Korea, presented a new policy that provided much cheaper houses for lower-income people. The plan helped the young adults come to Seoul, and all of them could try to apply for a job or university. National most of the young people gathered in the city, and thus they started to get job opportunities and to make a lot of start-up company. Naturally, Seoul has become one of the most vibrant cities in the world and contributed to the overall national economic growth. If the country’s leader had not provided the lower price of the house, the city would not have been able to boost the economic national development.
In short, I strongly believe that the advance of cheaper houses far outweigh investing to create jobs and lower food price for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of the leader’s decision cannot be overestimated in a country’s success.
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1. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
2. 문법에서는 연결어를 너무 남용하시는 경향이 있고, 단어가 잘 정리 안 되어 있는 듯한 느낌이 듭니다.
low income people 처럼 형용사가 아닌 단어를 형용사처럼 쓰시는 경향도 있습니다.
단어 사용을 조금 더 깔끔하게 해주시면 좋을 거 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*