▶ Your Answer :
Experience is
important in our life. Layered experiences help us sometimes when we meet
barriers. But someone said that non-concerned experience can make us confuse in
many times. However, I agree that new challenge in studying something I have
never encountered is better for subsequent two reasons.
First, new field
makes us have expanded experiences that we could not meet if we did not studying about
something new. In our life, there are many fields exist. We can not experience all
of fields and we enter some fields for working and studying. But, sometimes we
have curious for other fields when we meet someone, do something etc. For
example, in global work, people can meet other country people and they
encountered their language. In language, that includes so many information we
can not be encountered culture, habit, history and humor it includes so many information consisting of culture, habit history and humor. In my case, I am Korean
but I have to study English during whole school life and I learned German when
I was high school student. At that time, I learned origin of hamburger. As I
known know, hamburger is American instant food but in real, that is German food from
the city, Hamburg. In this time, I learned German but I have new experience and
chance to expand my thinking.
Second, we can
find answer that makes us struggle but we can not solve in long time from new
challenge. Sometimes we confined our field and people, who overcome slump,
always found that in other field experiences even they are in rest. Or, if we
feel hate work or studying about major field, in real or drama, people always recommend
“you have to rest or challenge something new”. That is not fairy tale. That is
confirmed in case of Isaac Newton. He does not have interest in resting. Someday,
he felt dizzy for explaining to explain movement between earth and moon. He was studying all
day long in room or laboratory but that day, he decided to study outside. Sitting
under the apple tree and an apple fell down to his head. Then he thought the existence
of Gravity. We can find many cases in other people such as Da Vinci and many
other great people.
In conclusion, I agree to have experience for new
challenge to learn. That opportunity makes us expand our experiences and have
more thinking in working. Furthermore, learning or experiencing new can help us
to find answer what problem we struggled. That may not help us right now but
sometimes that make us innovative.
점수: 22 일단 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 존재하는 독립형 에세이입니다. 먼저 첫 번째는 that절이 너무 많습니다. That이 필요 없는 구간에서도 지금 이 에세이는 that이 나오는 거 같습니다. 이부분을 주의하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째는 너무 설명이 모호합니다. 전체적으로 설명이 정리가 되어있지 않다 보니 설명이 모호해지는 거 같습니다. 좀 더 구체적으로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |