▶ Your Answer :
Some people says
that people incline to satisfy what they have say people are satisfied from what they have (people는 복수 주어 입니다). However, in my opinion, I think
people are never satisfied with what they have as they have a habit to keep
compare with others and their satiation is transient. for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with,
people tend to make comparison with others and want to follow them for fitting
in newest trend. Many people are exposed to TV program from which they can
observe precious items belonged to celebrities. It makes them eager to make
purchase continuously to imitate trends. For instance, my sister is interested
in fashion. The one of her hobbies is watching One of her hobbies is to watch run-way shows, where models are
shown with latest clothes. When her favorite model carries new clutches or
dress, she decides to buy them without any hesitance even though its price is
unaffordable the price is expensive. She is not able to satisfy with old trend, being allured by new
things. (이 문장은 필요가 없는 거 같습니다)
On top of that,
people never have satisfaction which lasts forever. satisfaction does not last long Even though they get new
one, they used to get bored of their belongings (좀 더 이 부분에 대하여서 구체적 설명을 하고 난 후 예시로 넘어가시길 바랍니다). For example, all of my friends
has bicycles except me have bicycles (all은 복수 주어 입니다). The reason why I did not have one was my parents knew
that I will not going to take care of it in the long term. I eventually get a
bicycle as a result of incessant bothering my parents. However, I stopped riding
mine in less than 1 month because nobody started not to play with it. I
happened to forget that I had bicycle and it passed to my younger brother.
To sum up, people have disposition of seeking new one followed by
comparison with others and they are not familiar to keep their gratification
with their things. In this regard, I agree with the statement that people are
never satisfied with what they have.
점수: 24 일단 지금 이 에세이가 가지고 있는 문제점은 이유에 대한 구체적 설명이 많이 부족합니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 예시에 중점을 두면서 에세이를 서술하고 있는데 예시의 중점을 두는 것 도 좋지만 전체적인 플로우를 결정하는 것은 이유이기 때문에 좀 더 구체적으로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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