▶ Your Answer : Relaxing is a significant role in people’s lives in many places where
they study and play. Some people might think that physical exercise like
hiking, running and swimming help people to relax, while others might argue the
better method of relaxing is watching movie and reading books. Both sides have
their own reasons to support their opinion. If I asked to choose one, I would
say that passive exercise like watching movies and reading books is better. There
are reasons as follows.
Although
physical exercise improves people’s health, it is not helpful for people to relaxing.
When people do exercise, especially dangerous exercise like climbing the cliff,
their blood pressure would increase. increased, they cost higher energy. These kind of body
changes are far from relaxing. I would take my personal experience as an example.
When I was a high school student, my hobby was watching movie. I watched every genre
of movie: from horror to romance. Watching movie is very useful to relax when I
was tired. However, my mother did not like my hobby. She thought exercise is a better way to relax my body and mind, so she pushed me to do swimming over even hours a week.
I changed little by little after I had started swimming at Sport center near by
my house. I was always tired because of tough swimming, even I could not
concentrate properly on my study. There was no time to relax and relieve my
stress. I failed many classes that semester, became procrastinated and act on
impulse. My mom realized that swimming is not good for relaxing and allowed me
to quit swimming after that semester.
All
things considered, I strongly believe that the advantages of watching movie far
outweigh those of physical exercise for reasons I have mentioned above. All in
all, the importance of group work cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of
success in life.
우선 structure면에서 보자면, body가 하나밖에 없는 것이 가장 아쉽습니다. 토픽을 잘 설명하려면 2-3 바디paragraph쓰는게 가장 적절한 것 같습니다. 시제 맞는 부분이 거의 없습니다. 과거와 현재 시제가 계속 왔다갔다 하다 보니 해석이 힘듭니다 그리고 introduction에서는 약간 했던 말을 반복하면서 조금 질질 끌었다는 느낌이 들었습니다. |