▶ Your Answer :
Some people
think that competition is useful to motivate students to study hard. However,
in my opinion, inordinate competition among friends is harmful since it makes
one yearn for others to fail and consume their most time to be the winner in
the competition. It is obvious that they affect effects negatively on friendship.
To begin
with, moderate competition is sometimes helpful for students to concentrate on
their study to achieve better grades than others. Nevertheless, as a rule of
thumb, moderate competition would be excessive competition in short time.
Consequently, students wish their rivals to have some mistakes on tests (For what?) or
provide wrong information. I give my experience as an example. When I was a freshman
in a high school, I usually hung out with my first friend, Tom, before the
first mid-term exam. The results of the
test was so incredible due to the fact that I ranked first in the exam was the first rank and he ranked second was the
second rank in my class. After the result was released the notice, he suddenly kept a bit of distance from me and no longer talked with me closely
and even he didn’t provide me the information of alternation of the science
quiz to make me confuse. So I was really disappointed and never have met him
until now.
On top of
that, most competition occurs in the studying parts. (What is that?) Also it is natural that
students cannot make time for friends with the flow of time due to the fact
that a greater part of time is consumed spent on for reading the books or solving math
problems. This trend is very common in my country. The inordinate competition
forces student’s parents and students to spend their time in private academy or
tutoring. It has a significantly negative non-positive influence on friendship, since they
cannot have time to hang out pass with their friends and they are too tired to enjoy
their precious time when they finish studying. I also could not make good
relationships with my friends in the first semester of third grade in high school
because of the pressure of competition and lack of free time.
To sum
up, excessive competition make worsen the relationship among friends since they
occasionally use unfair ways to win. (Such as? ) Moreover, they cannot get along with
friend as they use up much time to compete and study. For those reasons, I
firmly believe that friendship will be better if there is no completion.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 2
| 2 | 3 | Score | Limited 10-17 |
- "it makes one yearn for others to fail" 이 부분은 설명으로 드러가야 합니다. 과도한 경쟁이 friendship을 해치고 잘못된 성공관을 가지게 된다는 방향으로 제시해주시는 것이 좋겠습니다. - 첫 번째는 자신을 경쟁자로 둔다는 생각이 있다는 문장을 넣어주세요. - 두 번째는 먼저 한국이 교육경쟁에 치열한 곳이라는 점부터 시작해주셔야 합니다.
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