When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.` Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. |
There is an ongoing debate, whether if luck has nothing to do with success or not. Smoe(->some) people might(omit it) agree with this assertion saying that. In opposition to this(I think you're trying really hard to use hard and smart phrases, but I would recommend to write concisely cuz it doesn't really make sense and makes things very akward) --> However , I firmly feel that luck has something to do with success. The reasons for supporting my idea are additional success from luck and necessity of of luck for perfectly success.(umm........ weird. konglish) were so hardworker, probably you could be successful person. In other hand, if you got coincidence event that it leads you to better than now, you would be more successful person. (fix all the YOUs)
In my case, I used to be a very struggled person in my workplace(-> I used to very struggle at my workplace.) One day, I have heard about my promotion. But in(->at the) same time, other companys offered me to be a manager in that company with more salary. Second point of view supporting my opinion is that,(do not try too hard to make things look smart cuz we koreans(except some really really smart people) it's really tough to write intelligently and beautifully) sometimes the(you don't need article here) luck leads us to perfectly success. Actually, we can see many people, who are having their successful life, however (run on sentence....----> life. However)in their life, we can notice that, almost all of them did not make it by just their industriousness. My father used to be(--->was) a very good banker, he has been hard working for twenty years. He always want to be higher position in hid workplace, but he could no make it. He got bad accidents whenever he have to be good at his job. For example, he was supposed to go to the meeting with higher people in the morning, he got car accident.( i had really hard time understanding.you messed up with tense. i mean I can understand cuz i am a Korean. but think about your grader. it's good . what i am saying is just improve it a little bit)
To sum up, we can see many successful people around us, and also(omit) we can see many unsuccessful people, even though they are very assidious people. ---->To sum up, luck has something to do with success, seeing many unsuccseful but assidious people.
keep it up I really see you efforts here. i think you studied realiy hard and know a lot of nice words. one think you are lacking is understanding of a language ENGLISH try to study english in general. do not study only for TOEFL, thanks
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