Universities should fund sports activities the same amount money as they fund their libraries. |
It is debatable whether students` sports activities should be given the same amount money as universities fund their libraries or not Some people say that schools should invest fund to improve quality of learning(--->education) they provide to students at the expense of sports activities. Even though I agree that it is good that(that that that...) they fund much money in order to enhance quality of education, I strongly believe that sports are also important as education.(too long) --->I think that they shouhld fund much money @(*)(&)@(*$!)@. However, I also believe)_@(_!*)$_!(@$*!.
To begin with, sports activities can improve students` physical conditions. They can have enhanced (they can develop디벨롭이 더 괜찬은 동사))endurance ability(그냥 endurance만써도 될듯./..) of their lungS and hearts and prevent a variety of deseases by exercising sports(repetitive). According to the article of the Jung Ang daily paper, which is one of the famous papers in Korea굳이...), ----->(어순을 쪼금 봐꿔봤어요)according to an article in one of Korean major newspaper, Jung Ang daily,
People who exercise a running(요거 없애보죠) periodically have smaller risks to get a illness than people who do not exercise. For example, my cousin spend a lot of times to play t,is a game, in front of his laptop.---->a computer game. He suffered from obesity as result of his inert behavior. This is why I insist(우기다라는.....의미가 강한 insist/) that university should fund their sports activities. ----> Sports activities keep us staying healthy.암튼 마지막 문장이 약간.... ) On top of that, students can foster their socal skill. Sports,generally, require collective efforts and cooperations of paticipants. For instance, when I paticipated in basketball games, I had a opportunity to cooperate with others. I realized that our team could get a win if all teammates have to do our best for the one goal. No one can achieve a win alone, opposing to a team. (직접 바꿔보심이.. 더 효과적인 문장으로요.)
For this reason, sprots activities should be given fund the same amount money.(the same amount as what???)--> universities should fund@($*!*$_!@$)!@$!@$ with more care(?? 요건 아닌듯 싶지만 일단 그냥 능동태로~) 그렇지만 결론하고 비슷하니가 이 문단을 요점 정리하는게 나을듯 만약에 마지막 wrap up문장을 쓰시고 싶으면)
To sum up, I strongly believe that universities should fund the same money their sports activities as they invest their libraries. This is because(nope)---> libraries, because sports activities raise students` physical health and improve their social skills.
꽤잘쓰신듯. 이상한문장 안쓰시고 태플릿을 아주 효과적으로 잘사용하신것 같네요.! 잘쓰셨어요 |