▶ Your Answer :
Many people believe that university students should make an effort to improve their professional knowledge and skills and this is helpful to work in their own field. <…….해야 한다 라는 의미로 표현 되어야 할 것 같아서 should를 넣었습니다> On the other hand, I strongly agree that university students should take classes in many different subjects. This is because students can enhances a variety of ability abilities by studying many subjects. In addition, it allows students to interact with different students. <여기도 위에 같은 이유인데요. Can을 넣어야지 더 자연스럽게 표현 되는 것 같습니다>
First, students could/will improve a diversity of ability and skills. <개인적인 주장을 넣는 것이기 때문에, 그럴 것이다 하고 표현하는 것 보다는, could같은 조동사를 넣으시던지, 아니면 will을 넣어서 미래형으로 바꾸는 게 좋을 것 같습니다> All subjects do not require the same ability. To take different classes, it is essential for the student to have different ability and skill. To be specific, the subject of science and history gives students dissimilar ability. For example, students can learn creativity from science, but while history gives critic ability. From my personal experience, my major is was biomedical science. When I was in university, I took a literature class where I learned writing skills. At that time, I didn't know that this class is would be helpful to me. However, when I wrote an article, these writing skills allowed me to write good paper. In this respect, taking many classes is highly beneficial to university students. <시제를 하나로 통일 시켜 주세요>
On top of that, if we study a variety of fields, we have many chances to communicate with different students. We can discuss and share a lot of information and knowledge in class. It positively affects students to comprehend other people and their thinking/thoughts. Also, we can know own pros and cons and have chance to correct cons. In fact, communication ability is very important to when working in society. When we work in a company, we face some troubles with peers and seniors. Thus, this communication ability and good relationship with different students is are useful for them in real society. 가 틀린 이유가, communication ability와 good relationship 이 두 가지가 주어이기 때문입니다> For these reasons, studying many subjects plays a significant role in developing student's social communication.
To sum up with, I firmly believe that university students should take many different classes because of improving in order to improve a variety of knowledge and skills. Furthermore, it is important to make communication ability and good relationship with other people. Therefore, university suggests students to study in many subjects.
잘 쓰셨습니다. 대부분에 수정한 부분들은 문법적으로 틀려서가 아니라 글에 흐름이 부자연스러워서 고친 겁니다. 체크해주세요. 수고하세요 ^^
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