when people move to new countries they should follow the customs there.
Nowadays many people visit other countries. This is a very valuable opportunity to learn different cultures. So, when people plan to move to abroad, friends sometimes advise them to accept other country's culture because they think just following is polite and safe. However, I am against that statement. I suppose that it is pretty better living in a way you did at home country than following other's custom. That is because it would create a fresh unique custom. Moreover, It is meaningful that people preserve their own cultural character.
->간단하게 써보세요. 서론이 너무 길지 않나요? 같은 내용을 계속 반복하고 또 반복해서 그래요.
서론 쓰다가 시간을 10분 씩이나 보내는건 넘 아까우니까 ,
- Some people believe ~ whereas (while) others prefer ~ .
어떤 사람들은 ~하고 또 다른 사람들은 ~를 선호한다.
In my opinion, I strongly believe that ~
There are a few reasons for this.
저는 에세이를 쓸때 서론부분은 항상 똑같이 씁니다. 규칙을 정해서 쓰면 더 좋지 않나요? 새로운 주제로 에세이를 쓸때마다 서론을 새로 쓰는것은 시간낭비입니다.
To start with, the coexistence of a variety of cultures creates unique atmosphere. It is beneficial to the country. People already know that a cultural diversity is valuable. People from all over the world would make society more harmonious. Furthermore, It has a positive effect on widening point of view. For instance, there are Seo-rae maul in
On top of that, At aspect of immigrants, persisting their custom is very important. No matter where they live, It is not changed who they are. Preserving own culture keep their originality. Moreover It remind their home and father continually. Let's take my experience, Here is an example. My sister who is a computer engineer is now at Lodon. She went to
(될수 있으면 한국 음식은 안 쓰는게 좋을것 같아요. 미국사람들이 읽으면 무슨 말인지 모르니까, 또 길게 설명을 해야 되잖아요? KIS를 기억하세요. )
Let's take my experience -> this is not your experience, it's your sister's. I think it's better to say ' According to my sister', or "in my sister's case,~" .
To sum up, preserving own culture is advantageous to both of the country and immgrants.
It would create the exclusive multicultural charateristic by harmonization .What's more, It is good to keep their custom to immgrants. On the whole, now there is no more boudary in the world. It is wrong to reject the particular culture of stranger or to admire the culture of majority.
안녕하세요, KFLHS 입니다... ^^
많은 사람들이 생각합니다: 토플이니까 에세이를 리딩 지문처럼 길고 복잡하게 써야한다. 그럼 좀 잘하는 것처럼 보이지 않을까?
아닙니다. KIS 라고 들어보셨나요? Keep It Simple 입니다.
님도 책읽을때 간단하고 main point만 딱 집어서 말하는 내용이 읽기 좋은가요, 간단하게 써도되는 문장을 복잡하게 쓴 글을 좋아하나요?
당연히 심플하면서 할말은 다 하는 그런 글이 좋지 않습니까?
토플 reading 에서는 문장을 아주 길게 씁니다.
하지만 제가 앞에서 말했듯이, 라이팅도 리딩과 비슷하게 써야 된다는 생각은 버리셔야합니다.
항상 기억하세요. 길게 쓰는건 절대 싫어합니다. 토플 채점하는 사람들은 아마도 읽다가 지쳐서 다 보지도 않고 채점할 수도 있어요. 항상 기억하세요 KIS!!!
제가 위에 글을 다 고쳐드리고 싶지만, 저도 지금 좀 바빠서요... ㅎㅎ
죄송하지만 다 못 고쳐드리고 그냥 눈에 들어오는 것만 고쳐드렸어요.