If I have received a gift of money, It's not "just" a gift of money but a gift of money for either a jewelry or concert tickets. I will go to a concert. Some people think that buying a piece of jewelry is better than going to a concert. why? However I would like to go a concert because it helps me to release relieve myself from stress stress out. In addition, if I go to a concert, I can bring my friend.
I would like to go to a concert if I have received a gift of money. If I buy a piece of jewelry, I can vaunt it to my friends but it cannot release my stress out. <-vaunting in front of friends itself could generally be a stress release, so be more accurate and reasonable, logical, or perhaps more specific in detail explaining. In contrast, if I go to a concert, I really can release my stress. Since I was a high school student, I have liked a group of rock. I was into rock music. Therefore, I would like to attend rock concerts a concert. Furthermore, their concert ticket is usually expensive. If I do not use this money to go to a concert, I should work for part time job to go to there.
분명한 화제를 중심으로 이야기하셔야 합니다. 이얘기에서 저얘기로 이어지고 저얘기에서 또다른얘기로 이어지는 식으로 하다보면 thesis를 벗어날때도 있습니다, 마지막문장처럼요 :)
In addition, I would like to go to concert because I can bring my friends. If the money can buy a piece of jewelry, it also can able to buy few tickets. 논리문제, 그리고 강제로 상황을 가정하시는것은 자제하시 고, tickets to concert라고 주어졌으니 당연 한장은 아니겠죠? :) Therefore, I will buy some tickets and go to concert with friends. My friends will like it and they may thanks to me. Also, if I go to a concert alone, I will be lonely because there definitely are many couples or families. I do not want to feel alone.
For this reasons, I will choose go to concert, because it can release my stress and also I can bring my friends. Therefore if you have received a gift of money, you may go to a concert. Going to a concert will be greater than buying a piece of jewelry. 말씀하신대로 근거가 ㅠㅠ
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