안녕하세요 필이라고 합니다
읽어보다가 문득 살짝 고쳐 보면 어떨까 주제 넘은 생각이 들어서 한번 시도 해봤삼요
It is debatable whether it is more important for people to be with their family than to be in workplace or not. Some people seem to believe that working more is more beneficial to their life. However, I strongly believe that to spend time with family can provide people with more beneficial things and values than to spend time in workplace for several reasons.
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It would be debatable whether it is more important and valuable for people to spend time in their workplaces rather than spend time with their families. Some people say working is more beneficial for their families and their lives as an investment for their future. However, I strongly believe spending time with family is much more valuable and worthwhile for people's enriching lives even working is helpful for their home economy.