제가 영작을 하는 데 시간이 너무 오래걸리네요 ㅠㅠ
반절밖에 못썼는데 시간이 35분 ....
시간 상관없이 결론까지 다 쓸까 하다가
우선 시간에 맞춰서 여기까지만이라도 올려봐요
첨삭부탁드릴게요 !!
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■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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Topic : Cars have more influence on human society than airplanes do. | |
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Some people say that cars are more related to human society than airplanes are, while others claim the opposite. Personally, I agree with the second idea for two reasons. First, airplanes have attributed to tourism more than cars. Second, the most important factor that provoke globalization of market is airplane.
First of all, airplanes have more influenced on tourism than cars do. Airplanes are the best method of transportation that connect two location far remoted or limited by sea or ocean. It takes too much time to reach or not possible at all when people use cars. Airplanes, however, made it possible and reduce time overwhelmingly, and thus the range of tour place that people can choose became much larger. If people use airplanes, they can go abroad or visit far-remoted island for trip even during short vacation.
In Korea, for example, it was not easy to go to Je-ju island before airplanes became available. Because the only way to go to there was ship, and it took nearly twenty four hours. After airplanes became accessible, required time was reduced to only one and a half hours and many people can visit Je-ju island even for weekend. In this regard, airplanes have more influenced to human society than cars do.
Moreover,
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음 제가 쓰면서 생각했던 것은 첫번째 근거 예시를 들때 제주도를 들면서 배를 언급했는데, 이때 배보다는 토픽의 자동차와 연결되어 있는 예를 들면 더 좋은 예가 되지 않았을까 하고 생각해보았는데요
굳이 그렇게 하지 않아도 상관없는지요??
읽어주셔서 감사하고 첨삭부탁드릴게요:)