다른 더 적합한 이유가 있을까요?
도저히 생각이 안나네요. 아님 아싸리 부모님따라서 결정하는걸로 쓰는게 좋은 까요?
It is often said that parents should make a decision their children’s future. This is because unlike children’s narrow view, parents wisely define their future direction through their diverse experiences. However, in my point of view, I disagree with this idea because actual children’s dreams are differ from parent’s desire and making a decision helps children to approach their choices quickly. -> 첫번째 논거는 괜찮은데 이부분이 문제인것 같네요. makig a decision과 approach their choice quickly라는 두가지의 불분명한 표현을 사용해서 뒤에 body에서 풀어나가기가 쉽지 않아진것 같습니다.
따라서 deciding their ultimate goal early helps children to focus on the shortest path that leads directly to their dream.
또한 내용상으로도 질문에 대한 부합하는 답이 아닌 일반적인 대답이 되었습니다.
다시말해서 making decision helps approach their goal 이라는 말은
부모가 아이스스로 결정하도록 놔둬야하느냐 말아야 하느냐에 대한 대답이 되지 않으므로
off-topic이 될 수 있다는 것입니다.
아이의 자립심 또는 독립심을 길러주기 위해 놔둬야 하고 아이가 하고 결정해주기보다는 하고 싶은 일이 있다면 이룰 수 있도록 바탕을 마련해주어야한다. 등의 주장을 제시하는것도 좋겠네요.
First of all, the children’s decisions for their future differentiate from the parent’s thinks for their children’s future. It is common that parent’s desires for their children’s future defined from the parent’s priorities such as fame and money for the future job. A gap between these parent’s opinion and children’s choice actually is considerable huge because children’s choices just are defined from their education or experiences. This difference let their children’s interests drop.
In addition, the decision by children’s opinion plays a significant role in approach their children’s dream quickly. It is obvious that the decision on their own stimulates their will. This is because it induced their interests and talents and also they can enjoy doing any hard-working created by the choices. For example, Teasoo, one of my friends, have worked at an International organization. The job was defined by his parent’s opinion. Now, he doesn’t enjoy working and he just do due to his responsibilities. On the other hand, in my case, I’m researcher in space system areas. This job made a decision by myself. Now, I try to do my best for improving my ability because the motivation spurs my steady hard-working.
In brief, the children’s future should be designed by themselves without any other opinion. This is because of the gap between children and parent opinion and boosting children’s will. |