■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic :
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? University athletic departments should receive the same amount of funding as university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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▶ Your Answer :
These days, a growing number of school are spending a lot of money to build libraries bigger and bigger, lessening their sports center. On the contrary, I firmly believe that school should spend the same amount of funding for to their athletic departments for several reasons. Through spending the same amount of budget, students are able not only to reinforce their physical health, but also to enhance socializing with others.
First of all, building sports center helps students to improve their physical condition. This is largely because students’ body, or physical status, gets stronger via physical activities. For example, one of my friends from high school was very weak. He had a heart-related disease. After graduating from high school, he entered one college which have well-developed sports centers for their students. While During his college life, he spent a lot of time to exercise exercising at sports center in his college. After around 2 years, he has a huge change physically. Thanks to his school, not only the disease he suffered is cured, but also he never got a cold for a year.
On top of that, physical activities can provide student with an opportunity to socialize with a great number of students. The rationale behind this is that students can spend an enjoyable time to do physical activities such as soccer, swimming, and basketball with others. For instance, my sister had no friend in her first college year because of her shy personality. Although her characteristics, after she got into volly ball team, she could make a significant number of friends, starting to make a friend in her team. In addition, she could change her personality through the event. She sometimes told me that she would be loner more lonely until she graduated from her school providing that she wouldn’t have such opportunity. For all these reasons, I strongly believe that school should spend the same amount of money not only for libraries but also sports centers. | |
시계로 30분 재면서 썼습니다.
2번째 supporting Idea 부터 시간에 쪼달려서 막 쓰다보니 주장에 약간 기대치 못미치는 예를 쓴거 같네요...
첨삭부탁드립니다.
저 그리고 혹시 괜찮으시다면, 주장과 예제 등 잘 support가 되는지도 평가해주실 수 있으신가요?
부탁드립니다~