■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic :
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? University athletic departments should receive the same amount of funding as university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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▶ Your Answer :
These days, a growing number of school are
spending a lot of money to build libraries bigger and bigger, lessening their sports
center. On the contrary, I firmly believe that school should spend the same
amount of funding for their athletic departments for several reasons. Through
spending the same amount of budget, students are able not only to reinforce
their physical health, but also to socialize with others.
First
of all, building sports center helps students improve their physical condition.
This is largely because students’ body, or physical status, gets stronger via physical
activities. For example, one of my friends from high school was very weak. He
had a heart-related disease. After graduating from high school, he entered one
college which have well-developed sports centers for their students. While his
college life, he spent a lot of time to exercise at sports center in his
college. After around 2 years, he has a huge change physically. Thanks to his
school, not only the disease he suffered is cured, but also he never got a cold
for a year.
On
top of that, physical activities can provide student with an opportunity to socialize
with a great number of students. The rationale behind this is that students can
spend an enjoyable time to do physical activities such as soccer, swimming, and
basketball with others. For instance, my sister had no friend in her first
college year because of her shy personality. Although her characteristics,
after she got into valley ball team, she could make a significant number of
friends, starting to make a friend in her team. In addition, she could change
her personality through the event. She sometimes told me that she would be
loner until she graduated from her school providing that she wouldn’t have such
opportunity.
For
all these reasons, I strongly believe that school should spend the same amount
of money not only for libraries but also sports centers. | |
시계로 30분 재면서 썼습니다.
2번째 supporting Idea 부터 시간에 쪼달려서 막 쓰다보니 주장에 약간 기대치 못미치는 예를 쓴거 같네요...
첨삭부탁드립니다.
저 그리고 혹시 괜찮으시다면, 주장과 예제 등 잘 support가 되는지도 평가해주실 수 있으신가요?
부탁드립니다~