저번에 첨삭해주신게 너무나 도움이 되어서 이번에도 Happy니께 도움을 구하고 싶습니다.
ㅠㅠ 이번에도 일반 에세이 인데 내용만 맞게 아예 통째로 수정해 주셔도 무방합니다. 꼭 써야 할 주제라서요.
감사합니다...ㅎㅎ;;;
살면서 unfair했던 경험, 그것을 어떻게 극복하기 위해 어떤 노력을 했고 얻은 교훈.
Within Korean society, there are discriminations on girls which have arisen from Confucian belief. According to
Confucius idea, women should respect men through throughout their whole life. Although it has been
disappeared dissipating as Korean society gradually absorbed western culture, still, there is remaining unfairness.
For example, my grandparents always cared their grandsons more valuable on them. When I was a kid, my grandmother told me that girls are nearly impossible to success succeed in career within Korean society. She told me that a lot of people expect for girls some kind of obedience on guys regardless of situations, girls can’t sustain their opinions. I was confused. I could not understand the reason, and felt hurt.
앞뒤 구성이 좀더 balance가 맞으면 좋을것 같아요.
However, I overcame those disappointed emotion by reading autobiography of great women. Authors of those books were famous public figures, and they challenged for their goals even though they experienced similar sexual discriminations as well. They did not feel afraid of daring to challenge fields which were considered as men’s own work. While reading their stories, I thought that I felt intimidated before actually even doing something in my life. I had kind of stereotype on sexual discriminations though I did not actually experience that in my own career. Successful stories of those women encouraged me to challenge, and put me onto the fact that success depends on individual effort. Moreover, through reading those books, I suddenly realized that there is no actual boundary between two genders regarding their working ability. What really matters is for going through with own goals. whether they have enough passion and strong will to follow through.