I disagree with the statement that letting a friend make a mistake is better than taking action that risks destroying a friendship.
-> 인트로는 글의 전체적인 방향을 미리 정리해주어야 합니다. 나는 그것에 동의하지 않는다가 아닌, 왜 동의하지 않는지, 이질문이 나온 배경은 무엇인지, 내가 그렇게 생각하는 배경은 무엇인지, 다른사람들의 생각은 어떠한지, 그와비교했을때 나의 생각은 어떠한지 등등 수많은 것이 나올 수 있습니다. 일단 인트로는 배경설명과 글의 전체적인 흐름을 준비해주는 가장 중요한부분입니다.
따라서 body쓰고 intro쓰는것이 아닌 Intro쓰고 그에 따라 body를 써내려가야 하는것입니다.
질문을 그대로 rephrasing없이 적어놓는것은 적절치 않습니다.
To begin with, I think people have to protect their friend's interest. If people think they are really sincere friend to their friends, people should prevent friend from doing misbehaior or mistake.-> people을 주어로 사용하는 문장을 최대한 자제해보세요. Preventing a friend from misbehaving or making mistakes only comes from true sincerity. By doing this, friend's personality or interest can be guaranteed from gossips or other things.-> In the end, this will benefit him because it allows him to be free from gossips. For example, my friend, Su-min and I went to birthday party of other-> another friend last winter. Since the weather was very cold, so Su-min drank a lot of beer to warm her body, and at last, she was drunken.-> Su-min became drunk at the party, vomiting in the toilet, and even tried to drive home. She kept vomiting in the toilet, and she tried to drive her car to go to home. However, I couldn't let her drive at night so I drove her car and took her home. If I had let her do whatever she wanted, she could have had a huge accident.
-> 예시가 적절하지 않습니다. 앞에서 주제문에서 설명한것과 같이 gossip으로부터 지켜주게된다는 논리를 뒷받침해주지 않습니다.
글쓴이분께서는 지금 한문장도 제대로 되지 않을만큼 문법오류랑 어색한표현과 어휘오류등이 많습니다. 시간에맞춰 쓰는 연습을 하시기 전에 완벽한문장, 다양한구성의 문장, 그리고 논리적으로 앞뒤가 맞는 문장, 마지막으로 부드럽게 서로 연결될 수 있는 문장들을 써내려가는 연습부터 하시는것이 좋겠습니다.
In addition, friendship would be strengthen if friend knows his or her friend's real intention. Eventhough a person who got help from his or her friend, might feel embarrased or upset by the friend's action at first, they will soon realize that the friend's action was not to distract her or his friend, but to help the friend. In previous example, my friend Su-min also got angry when she woke up in the next morning because she thought that I just drove her car without her permission. However, after she heard the truth from other friends went to the birthday party, she apologized to me and she really thanked to me not to mention that our friendship have more strengthened.
To sum up, friend should take an action for his or her friend eventhough it is risky. This is because friend should protect the friend's interest and this can lead strong friendship. |