읽어보다가 저도 독학이라 같이 공부하는 셈 치고 주제 넘게 첨삭 쬐끔 했습니다
혹시 라도 의논 하고 싶거나 할 얘기 있으면 언제든 메일 주삼요 ink280@naver.com
It is generally said that the best way of learning about life is by listening to advice of family and friends. Some people might agree with this statement because their experience is realistic as they already have got over that situations before. However, as far as I am concerned, I disagree that having a wisdom of life through family and friends’ experiences for a couple of reasons. In this essay, I will clearly show and develop these two reasons.
thesis가 쬐금 문제가 있는데요 우선 "in this essay....reasons." 이문장은 지우셔야 겠습니다
그리고 문법이 틀렸다거나 이해가 안가는 것은 아닌데요 왠지 술술 잘 안읽히고 조금 어색한 감이 있어서 덧씌워서 고쳐봤어요
However, as far as I concern, There is a couple of reasons why I believe it is not the best way to learn about life through my family or my friends' advice.
First of all, learning about life through pesonal experiences help you can have your own view and be an independent human.
아하! 한참 읽었네요
Learning about life through a person's own experiences helps him to be independent with his own perspective.
잘 안고쳐지네요 ^^;
This is mainly because when someone has something to rely on, he or she usually tend to be an passive person.
People would get a passive attitude for their lives if they often rely on others.
Thus, if they face real problem without any advice, probably a lot of people would get in trouble.
Thus, if they face some difficulties without any advice during their lives, the difficulties could be grown futher and harder with time.
To illustrate my personal experience, when I was a high school student in Korea, I did all things about school stuffs by myself because I didn’t have any counselor, but I entirely rely on my school’s counselor since I came here in the United States.
I’ve been helped by counselors in many situations. I think I can’t do anything without counselor anymore. As you can see, I turned to an exactly passive person. This is one of the reasons that I support learning from personal cases.
They have helped me in a lot of cases. Sometimes, I even feel I cannot do any things without counselors' advice. It is truth I am being a really dependent and passive person. This is one of the reasons why I trust I had better to learn about my life through my own experiences.
In addition, having their own wisdom of life makes individual have responsibility.
In addition, having their own experiences and knowledge for their lives makes them to be independent and responsible.
(wisdom 이라는 단어가 싫은게 아니라 본의아니게 자꾸 안써지네요 ^^;)
This is possible because people try to be wiser than when they get some advice from somebody else to avoid regret what they did.
죄송합니다 이해가 잘 안되네요 " 스스로 경험과 지식을 쌓는 일은 그들을 독립적이고 챔임감있게 만들것이다" "이것은 가능하다 왜냐하면 사람들은 더 현명해지기를 시도하기 때문에...."
A survey resently released by HRI which is famous research center about normal life things in Korea shows that about 53% of people answer that they become more serious than when they don’t have any someone who could give them advice.
연구결과라던지 인용한 문구를 쓸적에는 어떤기관인지, 언제 발표되었는지, 출처는 어디인지, 연구 발표자는 누구인지 까지 정확하게 써야만 된다대요.
This is another reason that I vote for taking the great way of life by ourselves.
To summerize, what I have said until now, learning about life through personal experiences makes people become more independent, active, and resposible. On the whole, having experiences and knowledge by ourselves can’t be underestimated as we consider our lives toward to be better.
실은 마지막 문장도 잘 해석이 안되서 걍 이렇게 했는데...