The problem inside in family especially, their weaken unify is unquestionable serious problem.-> the families, especially concerning their weakened unity is unquestionably serious. In My case, I always living-> I've always been living in a apartment around bustling capital city. My parents, both of them have jobs for handle our living fees that must paid expensively.-> to pay for our living expenses which is very expensive. Furthermore, it led my family member cannot share the comfortable time in houshold.-> As a result, my family rarely spend and share time with each other. That experience reminds me it is hard to unify within the city.-> This means that hectic city life hinders us from sharing love with each other. I strongly agree that families in rular area is really bond among the familly members.-> I strongly agree that familiy members in rural area are more bonded together. Here is-> are the resons why i support the statement.
First, the city life is very busy so familly members have less time to see each other. As i already commnted, for living in a citiy, which, need high cost living fees are press all family members to get a job. On the other hand, in rular area, their is not to much money necessary for living fees. That is lead to distribute family members by ways of old fashioned; working dad, house wife. For example, when i visit in my relative's house in riulars, I can feel the love among family members that difficult to feel in city life. My relative's family has a lot of time within small town, so even they working, they can see their family in work place. After visit, we comeback in city, and back to reality, i feel the emptiness because our family work diffrent place and diffrent time for only earning money.
On top of that, family in rular areas bigger than family in cities. In rular community, there is general picture that household composed by many members. They are really need for help to cultivate the harvesting in each household's. That is improve their unify by constantrly laboring and achive the same goal. For example, my friend who living in a suburban has six siblings and parents. His father is farmer, and he always go to his hometown whenever fall is coming. He usually teach me how family is important and precious of love.
-> 위에 인트로 첨삭했듯이 말하고자 하는 바를 전달하는 능력이 좀더 필요할것 같습니다. 문법, 표현, 논리연결 면에서 너무 거칠어서 이해가 잘 안됩니다. 일단 조금더 기본으로 돌아가시는것이 어떤가 싶습니다. |