Do you support or oppose the following idea? Printed books will be no longer used school in twenty years. Support your position by using specific reasons examples.
There has been an argument regarding an issue that printed books will be not used in school in future. Some people maintain that printed books are invalueble sources, thus will still be used in twenty years. However, from my perspective, students will no longer need to use them, and study with electronic books instead. This is because it is much more convenient to use, and more efficient learning sources.
To begin with, electronic documents are a lot more convenient to use than traditional books. In general, students must carry heavy printed books to the school, but e-books as known as electronic books will solve such problem by storing huge amount of resources and data in a small machine.-> device. In addition, students can easily get recent informations by downloading the data onto the e-books unlike when using traditional books, they have to walk all the way to bookstore or library to do it, and this will waste a lot of time and energy. For example, when I had to buy a new edition of my physics textbook to finish an assignment, I had to go to bookstore that was located far from my house to get it. However, my roommate who owned an e-book easily bought it at home by using internet. As a result, he finished his assignment in less than a day unlike me who took almost a week to complete.
-> bookstore가 2~3일거리에 있지는 않을테니 이 부분은 인과가 맞지 않아보입니다. Hence, convenience of the e-book far outweights the traditional books.
Additionally, electronic books help students to learn more efficiently. Generally speaking, students often get bored or tired at reading traditional books, because it only has words and barely contains pictures. E-books on ther other hand, have sound as well as moving graphics that catch students' attention easily, and provide many interesting pictures to explain the information. Thus, students actually feels-> students actually feel excited when using electronic materials. According to the report from korean ministry of education, it was shown that 78% of the elementary students want to learn with e-books instead of printed books in the future. Some students even said that printed books make them drowsy and lose focus easily and, E-books with sound and pictures will never make them fall asleep during class.-> and 연속으로 너무 많이쓰지 마시고 안되겠으면 끊어가시거나 문장구조를 바꿔주세요. 예시는 좀더 객관적이고 논리적인것이 좋습니다. 다른사람들이 이러이러하다더라. 따라서 내의견도 이러이러하다. 라는 논리는 적절하지 않습니다. As we can see, e-books is much more helpful in effective learning.
In conclusion, it is manifest that electronic books have advantages such as convenience and enhancing efficiency in learning. Thus, I strongly believe that electronic books will be used in the future.
407자입니다. 글자수는 충분하겠죠?
이정도면 튜터님의 관점으로 보셨을때 5.0만점에 몇점정도 나올까요?
-> 이정도면 점수는 꽤 높게받으실듯합니다. 전달하고자하는 뜻을 정확하게 전달할 줄 아시는것 같습니다.
일관성이 있고 아이디어간의 연결도 부드럽네요.
하지만 coclusion과 intro가 다소 형식적이고, body 한두군데 논리적인 흠이 있어 보입니다. 군데군데 수준높은 어휘나 idiom 등을 사용해주시면 더욱 훌륭할것 같습니다.
4~4.5정도 받으실듯 합니다. 순전히 개인적.