Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older (15 to 18 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. |
Some people say that parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older teenage children.(문제의 문장을 그대로 가지고 오는것 보다 paraphrase 하시는게 좋을듯..그리고 자신의 주장에 문제의 의견을 따르는 것이면 some people 보단 many people 하신는게 좀더 와닫는 글이 될듯 싶네요) I fully agree the opinion that adults shoud take part in their children's determination. That's because teenagers have enough ablity which decision themselves but they can easily lose their judgement than adulth do.(문장을 although 문장으로 바꾸세요~) moreover, adults' intervention help them to (to를 빼고 make a를 넣으시면 좋을듯) vital decesion when they grow up.
First of all, teenagers lack sense (모든 십대들이 센스가 없나요? ). so, when they should (make an) important determine, they can (동사가 빠진듯.)wrong choice. futhemore, it could affect their lifetime. to prevent this situation, teenage chidren suffer from there bad descisions, parents and other adult help them to avoid miss seletion and do better decision. For example, when childrens are determine whether they are enter college. adults help them to advice what decision is the better. (문단 전체적으로 그냥 decision으로 예를 드는것 보다 구체적은 예를 들어주세요 (e.g. : 학교 진학, 일을 구하는것 등등)
Second, when childrens grow up, they can think that adult advice their determine. when they have problem important deciding, former advice help them to easily determined (여기서 하고자 하는 말이 Adults can help their children make their important decisions 인가요?). (For example,) From my experience, when I young, I am 18 years old ago, I had very difficulty deciding that I go to sutdy abroad to japan. at that time, my father teach me the way determine the best importnat and far see. so, I can decide go to Japan. thesedays, whenever I decide something. I think my father's advice and it is very helpful (이 문단을 마무리 하는 문장에 필요하네요 e.g. : therefore, it could be essensial to carefully listen to older people's advices)
In conclusion, (본문에서 언급된 내용을 써머리 먼저 해주세요) I firmly believe that parents and other adults have to make important decisions for their teenage children.
전체적으로 구조를 어떻게 해야하는 지는 알고 계시는듯 싶네요.. 하지만.. spelling check 하시고.. 관사 (a, an) 확인하시고.. introduction에 main ideas랑 각 본문의 topic sentence 들이 연결이 되는지 확인해 주세요.
도움이 되었으면 좋겠네요 ㅎㅎ |
제가 쓰면서도 정리가 안되요 ㅠ 어느정도수준인지..ㅠ첨삭좀 부탁드릴게요.