▶ Your Answer :
It is worthwhile to discuss which viewpoint do I agree with between one long vacation and several short vacations. As for me, I agree with the first viewpoint of one long vacation for the following two reasons. First, students can enjoy long trips to foreign countries. Second, they can work for part-time jobs.
First~~Second~~도 좋지만 접속사를 이용해서 연결해주는 것도 효가적입니다~~
To begin with, students can have long trips to foreign countries. It is important for them to experience many other foreign cultures in this global age. This is mainly because traveling abroad makes students expand their view of the world which plays a vital role in their study. Let me give an example of my friend. She who has visited many countries during her vacation is good at foreign language as well as history. Because Since(Because를 문장 시작할때 쓰는건 좋지 않습니다) she can understand cultural differences thanks to her experiences of overseas travel. If it were not for one long vacation, she could not experience many other cultures. As this case illustrates, one long vacation enables students to visit other countries.
In addition, they can work for part-time jobs. I am convinced that their job experiences during their vacation provide them with opportunities to learn society. This is mainly because they can learn a variety of things that is not likely to realize in school. For example, however, having part-time jobs, they can learn a sense of responsibility or the value of money. As this case illustrates, one long vacation provides them with chances to have part-time jobs to be helpful in their life.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that students should be given one long vacation. It is because students need to travel abroad to experience new thing and expand their view of the world, and they should have part-time jobs to learn society.
좋은좋은 에세이입니다~~
다만 아쉬운점은 두번째 바디 패러그래프가 좀 부실한데여, 그냥 부연설명만 좀 더 해주세여~~~
화이팅하세여~~!!!! |