▶ Your Answer :
Many people in these days visit foreign countries because of to learning learn about cultures and languages of those.them. But However(But은 문장 시작할때 쓰면 좋지 않아요) in my opinion, learning about foreign countries from newspapers and magazines is better than visiting those countries.
First, today’s newspapers and magazines present many of professional and accumulate information to their readers. Though we don’t visit other countries for leaning to learn about them, we can be informed a lot of information in our country. It is more detail and accessible to learn about foreign countries from newspapers and magazines than to visit those countries, because we don’t have professional knowledge unlike journalists. So Therefore(So를 문장 시작할때 쓰는건 좋지 않아요) we don’t need to go foreign countries.
Moreover, learning about something depends on how people do their best for studying not where people get to information. Passion and endeavor are important to learn about foreign countries. For example, my friend visited to America for learning to learn about English and American history. But However, she doesn’t have passion and endeavor of learning them but was interested in enjoining parties and drinking. When she came back, she doesn’t know about English and American history than me who studied from newspapers and magazines in my countries. In this case, visiting other countries may not be efficient way to learn but also take a lot of money away.
On the top of this, people who visited other countries, when they come back, should keep going to study in order to maintain their knowledge acquired from other countries. If they do not, then they will forget about it and what they did in other countries will become nothing just wasting their time.
In conclusions, I insist that it is better to learn about foreign countries from newspapers and magazines than to visit those countries. This way is more professional, efficient and inexpensive.
내용적인 부분은 괜찮습니다.
다만, 첫번째 바디에 예시가 없는 부분이 안타깝네여~
그리고 3번째 바디는 굳이 쓰실 필요 없으실거 같습니다. 세번재 바디에도 예시가 추가되어야하고 이 부분까지 완성하실려면 시간이 모자르실 겁니다. 세개를 쓰느니 두개를 더 완벽하게 써주세여~~
화이팅하세여~~!!! |