It is often said that Mobile phone enable people to give more liberty. Some people might agree with this statement because with mobile phone, we can communicate with other people anywhere, anytime. However, I believe that Mobile phone force to restrict freedom.
-> Mobile phones restrict freedom. First, this benefit that people may mention above hinder phone users from having their free time.-> their own time Second, contents of mobile phone is so addictive and useless-> useless는 어떻게 사용하실지 모르겠지만, that phone users can't concentrate on thier jobs.
In spite of mobile phone's mobility and convenience, ironically, these benefits don't make people take a rest. in other word-> In other words, mobile phone always is connected with other people. so people have to be called from every calling-> 모든 calling에 call 된다는 뜻이 무엇인지 잘 모르겠습니다. , ranging from job's fair and spam mail-> raning from job's fair 부분에서 job's fair 의 의미와 전체적인 문법에서 and가 아닌 to가 맞습니다 :) . For example, My family went on trip to Japan during summer vacation. My family enjoyed with-> My family enjoyed japan's-> japanese culture and forgot all routine-> 일상을 잊다라는 의미로 routine을 사용하신 것 같은데 forgot all routine 하면 ~하다가 해야할일을 까먹었다 라는 의미에 더 가깝습니다. however, whenever my family toured some places, My father must be called from -> However, my father was frequently called from his company and he continued to be busy thinking with company's job. As a result, My father and other family members can't take a rest all itineary.
Second. It is commonly observed that mobile phone have negatively-> negative influence on one's job fair. This is due to the fact that a person usually play the mobile game or useless contents for his valuable time. Therefore, mobile phone rob of user's time when users don't know. According to Ministry of Education of Korea, Efficiency of students who use cell phone game over 3 hours in daily is much lowering than who don't use cell phone. This reflects that mobile phone can hamper user's daily life.
-> 표현도 표현이지만 그보다는 논리를 좀더 다듬으셔야 할것 같아보이네요 :)
In brief, mobile phone can't provide phone user true freedom. This is because mobile phone deprive people of many time because of calling from other people and mobile phone contents also decrease concentration of phone user. although many electoronic product was invented what we called 'providing immerse freedom for user', Our work we have to do have not been reducing. |